It Should Have Been Me
by ShanoaWarrior
Summary: Haunted by memories of the young man he had failed to save, Kirito finds himself losing the will to live. Until he discovers that there might still be someone who needs him yet...
1. It Should Have Been Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. This fic takes place after the first half of the Alicization arc so I suggest you not read any further if you have not seen the anime past episode 24 or read the LNs past volume 14 if you want to avoid spoilers. This story is also slightly AU-ish with differences from the original so please excuse any discrepancies with canon and refer to the footnotes at the end. That said, enjoy and please review!**

**It Should Have Been Me**

"_Kirito…"_

"_Mmm…"_

"_Its time to wake up…" a warm and friendly voice insisted gently followed by a playful pinch to his cheek._

_A sleepy groan and stir. "Just five more minutes…"_

_A soft laugh answered his childish plea. "Aww, come on, Kirito. This is getting old. How many times do I have to tell you that you sleep too much?"_

"_I didn't ask you to be my personal alarm clock, Eugeo. Now shoo…"_

"_Haha! __Nope! Don't make me drag you out of bed, friend!" A happy sing-song voice answered before grabbing Kirito's blanket and yanking it off his form, exposing him to the cold morning air._

_Kirito growled as he sat up and gave his friend an annoyed look. "You're a real pain in the ass sometimes, you know that, Eugeo?"_

_To his surprise, the younger boy frowned. "Is that how you really feel? Well, then, I won't be waking you up ever again."_

"_Eugeo?"_

"_Good-bye, Kirito."_

_Before Kirito could ask Eugeo what he meant, the scenery around them changed and the blond youth was now lying on the ground of the Central Cathedral in Centoria. To Kirito's horror, Eugeo's body was brutally severed, his life's blood pooled beneath him and staining the white tiles crimson._

"_No…this can't be!" Kirito cried as he rushed to his friend's side and kneeled over him, ignoring the blood that was now staining his clothing. Summoning his strongest Sacred Arts healing magic, the raven-haired youth tried to heal his friend but to avail._

"_Don't look sad, Kirito.." Eugeo joked weakly. "Without me around, you can sleep as much as you like…"_

_"NO!"_

**SSSSSS**

"Eugeo!" Kirito screamed as his eyes flew open and he shot up from his bed while clenching his shirt and trying to catch his breath. Looking around, Kirito found himself alone in a cold room with little more than the bed he was lying on and a night table. Placing both hands on the sides of his head, Kirito took a moment to slowly collect his thoughts until he remembered that he was living in an abandoned house on the outskirts of Rulid village that he and Alice had touched up before moving in.

_These dreams again…_ he thought. Or more accurately, nightmares and distorted flashbacks that have been plaguing him nearly every night for the last three months since he settled into his new home with his caretaker, the ex-Integrity Knight Alice Zuberg, formally known as Alice Synthesis Thirty. ***1*** Kirito would even go so far as to call his dreams hallucinations as he often found himself reliving twisted versions of his fondest memories with Eugeo that always ended the same way: Eugeo's tragic death at the hands of Administrator Quinella, the Pontifex of the Axiom Church.

_I don't know how much more of this I can take…_ Kirito thought in despair as he looked down and found his most prized possessions, the Night Sky and Blue Rose swords, at each of his sides on the bed. Since escaping the Central Cathedral and Centoria with Alice three months ago, he refused to let either sword out of his sight and insisted on taking them everywhere with him, much to the chagrin of his caretaker. And had Alice not convinced him that the swords would rust if they got wet, Kirito might have taken them with him into the bath as well. ***2*** While both Sacred Weapons were valued mementos to the raven-haired youth, they were also a source of great anguish for him.

Especially the Blue Rose sword.

Though it was now broken and useless, Kirito had chosen to keep the Blue Rose sword in memory of his friend. But there were often times he could not bear to look at it for the ice-colored sword was also a painful reminder of how he had failed to protect Eugeo, the young man who had loved him like a brother and trusted him with his life. Kirito had even been tempted to throw it into the ocean more than once but always stopped himself at the last minute because he knew it was not what Eugeo would have wanted. And while the Night Sky sword remained intact, Kirito no longer had the strength to wield it after the battle with Quinella as well as damage to his fluctlight had left him crippled and confined to a wheelchair.

Knowing this made Kirito feel even more useless than any broken sword. Although Alice was able to re-attach the arm he had lost in battle with her high-level Sacred Art skills, for some reason, she could not restore Kirito's strength or the use of his legs. ***3*** And it killed him knowing that he had gone from saving Alice to being almost completely dependent on her for survival.

_I'm worse than useless; I'm a burden to Alice and everyone around me…_

Had he not been so spent from fighting Quinella, Kirito would have forced Alice to abandon him as soon as they escaped the Central Cathedral so she could leave Centoria without him slowing her down. But Alice would have none of it and risked capture by the other Integrity Knights by taking another five minutes to strap the protesting Kirito to her dragon before flying off to Rulid Village. Incredibly, despite not remembering her hometown or been there in years, she knew exactly where to find it.

Not surprisingly, the pair weren't exactly welcomed back in Rulid. None of the villagers remembered Kirito or really believed that Alice was the long-lost daughter of the village chief. Nor could they expect any help from Eugeo's family who had never liked Kirito. Especially Eugeo's parents, who had blamed him for taking away their youngest son by influencing his decision to leave Rulid in pursuit of becoming a swordsman instead of staying home and helping on their family farm. Nevermind that Eugeo was the same son that they had exploited and treated poorly since the day he was born. ***4***

Even Alice's own parents would not allow the pair to settle in the village so they had to settle for an abandoned house on the outskirts of Rulid. The only ones who gave Alice and Kirito any kind of welcome or assistance was Selka, Alice's younger sister, and old man Garitta, the previous carver of the Gigas Cedar before Eugeo took over and finally completed the task of cutting it down.

And while Selka was happy to see Alice again after nearly a decade apart, her joy was short-lived when she discovered the terrible price for her sister's return was Eugeo's life and Kirito's once-indomitable spirit. Even Alice herself did not escape unscathed; she had lost the use of her right eye and her memories had not been restored; the best she could recall were vague feelings of familiarity towards the people she once knew as a child.

But despite all this, Kirito knew he couldn't complain. Even though Alice's parents appeared to treat him and Alice herself coldly, deep down, they still did care for their daughter. Otherwise, they would not have allowed the pair to stay anywhere near the village nor allow Selka to bring them food and other basic necessities. Kirito was also grateful that Garitta was willing to help them by giving Alice trinkets and other gadgets he carved from the wood of the fallen Gigas Cedar to peddle in the surrounding towns and provide them with a source of income.

Looking out the window, Kirito saw that the sun had just risen not too long ago. And since Alice did not come rushing into his room as soon as she heard him scream, Kirito assumed that she must have already woken and headed into town to pick up some food from Selka and see old man Garitta for new wooden trinkets to peddle. He knew Alice would be back soon to take him out for fresh air and that she would force him to go outside whether he wanted to or not since it wasn't good for him to be cooped up in the house all day.

Not like it mattered to Kirito either way. What point was there for him to keep living like this? A swordsman who could not fulfill his duty to protect others, especially his dearest friends, was of no use to anyone. And deep down, Kirito agreed with Eugeo's parents that their son's death _was _his fault. After all, it was him who had taken the innocent wood-cutting boy from his family and peaceful country life with the lure of becoming a swordsman as well as the chance of winning back his childhood sweetheart. He had promised to stay by Eugeo's side knowing he must eventually return to his world where he belonged. And while Kirito genuinely treasured his friendship with Eugeo, he also saw it as a source of comfort that made his separation from Asuna more bearable.

In the end, Kirito finally came to the realization that he had, in a sense, used and sacrificed his best friend for nothing. For even after reaching the top of the Central Cathedral and destroying Quinella, he still could not log out of the Underworld.

And even if he had, there was no way Kirito could ever face his loved ones back home knowing that his return came at the expense of Eugeo's life.

_I can't take this anymore..._

Reaching for his wheelchair, which was right next to his bed, Kirito dragged himself onto it and wondered what Eugeo would think if he saw the pitiful state his so-called best friend was now in. Would Eugeo laugh at him? Pity him? It didn't matter. As far as Kirito was concerned, he never deserved anything from someone as kind and pure as Eugeo. And he certainly didn't deserve to go home and see Asuna again either.

_It should have been me…_

No sooner did he finish the thought, Kirito's eyes wandered to the two sheathed swords on his bed. Perhaps he could make one more use of them after all.

_I should have been the one to die, not him…_

Reaching for the Blue Rose sword, Kirito unsheathed it and sliced open the wrist of his left hand while welcoming the pain. After all, it was nothing compared to what Eugeo had suffered before he died.

_It's still not enough…_

Unsatisfied, Kirito took the Night Sky sword, unsheathed it, and sliced his other wrist while his left continued to bleed.

After his work was done, Kirito finally leaned back on his wheelchair, closed his eyes, and waited for death to claim him.

**SSSSSS**

"Kirito, I'm home!" Alice Zuberg called after she had unlocked the door to their humble home and stepped inside. A few months ago, the blonde would not have even bothered to announce her return since Kirito had been completely catatonic. It took a little over two months of constant treatments with her Sacred Arts healing spells before Alice could even get a response from the young man in her care. But now that she had made some break-throughs in his recovery, Alice engaged Kirito as often as possible to ensure that he remained responsive. ***5***

When Alice was greeted by nothing but silence, she worried that Kirito might be lapsing back into his previous state.

Feeling a sense of dread that something was wrong, Alice set the basket of food she had received from Selka as well as bag of wooden trinkets from Garitta on the kitchen counter before heading to Kirito's room, hoping that he was just sleeping and had not woken up yet.

"Kirito? Are you awake?" she asked while knocking on his door. Again, Alice received no answer. But that wasn't what alarmed her most; it was the smell of blood coming from inside Kirito's room.

Panicking, Alice threw the door open and found the young man in question leaning back on his wheelchair with his arms hanging over either side and blood dripping from the deep cuts on his wrists.

"Kirito, no!" Alice cried as she tried to force herself to calm down enough to summon a Sacred Art spell to stop the bleeding and heal the deep cuts while hoping it wasn't too late. After she had done what she could, Alice lifted Kirito from the wheelchair and laid him back onto his bed. Although pale and anemic from blood loss, the boy was still breathing, indicating that Alice had made it home just in time to treat him before he bled to death.

Glancing around the room, Alice found both of Kirito's swords unsheathed and lying on the ground. With bloodstains on the blades, it wasn't hard for the ex-Integrity Knight to guess what happened and she cursed her carelessness in leaving Kirito alone with such deadly weapons while in his current psychological state.

Thinking quickly, Alice picked up the Blue Rose and Night Sky swords and used another Sacred Art spell to lock them inside their sheaths to prevent Kirito from cutting himself again before putting them away. She also made a mental note to lock the knife drawer in the kitchen as well.

Knowing that it would do no good to rail at Kirito while he was unconscious, Alice left him to recover and went into the kitchen to get a mop and bucket so she could clean the blood off the floor.

**SSSSSS**

Darkness.

_Where am I?_

No answer.

_Am I dead? Is this what it's like to die?_

"Kirito..."

_Someone is calling me…_

"Kirito..."

_Who's there?_

A female voice.

_Asuna?_

"Kirito!"

Kirito's eyes fluttered open to find a young blonde woman leaning over him with her arms crossed. For a moment, he thought it was Asuna but when his vision cleared, he finally realized that it was Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Kirito, its me. There's no one here besides the two of us, remember?"

Kirito was silent for a moment before taking note of his surroundings. From the look of things, Alice had taken him out of his bedroom and into the living room. Instead of a bed, he was now lying on a couch while looking up at the face of a rather displeased young blonde woman. Despite being clad in a simple dress of a country maid instead of the armor of an Integrity Knight, Alice Zuberg looked no less intimidating when she was displeased.

For a moment, Kirito was puzzled and wondered what could have possibly upset her until he felt both of his wrists throb with an aching pain. Bringing his right hand a bit closer to his face, Kirito noticed a scar on the inside of his wrist: a scar caused by the sharp blade of a sword. And judging from the ache in his other wrist, Kirito knew he must also have a scar there as well.

"Explain yourself, Kirito" Alice demanded harshly.

"Alice, I…"

At first, Kirito considered telling Alice that it was an accident but he knew she wouldn't buy it. Even a child could tell that he had deliberately cut himself.

"I know what you're thinking, Kirito" Alice growled. "Don't bother lying to me."

Not knowing what else to say, he apologized. "I'm sorry."

Alice frowned and he wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but Kirito thought he saw her eyes tearing up. If he wasn't already in such a pitiful state, she would have struck him out of anger.

"'Sorry' isn't going to cut it, Kirito! You would've done your friend a great dishonor by throwing away the life he gave his own to save!"

Knowing that Alice meant Eugeo and that she was absolutely right, Kirito winced.

"I don't know what else to say. Except that it won't happen again, Alice."

Alice snorted. "You're damn right it won't. Not if I take your swords away."

Kirito gasped. "No, please don't! Anything but that!"

The blonde glared at him. "Well, until you earn my trust, I will be keeping them out of your hands."

"Alice, please be reasonable…"

"I think I've already been _very _reasonable letting you take them everywhere, even to bed. Be thankful I didn't destroy them after what you've done. And until I can trust you not to hurt yourself again…"

As much as he wanted to argue, Kirito could not think of anything that would change Alice's mind and return his and Eugeo's swords, at least not right away.

Sighing, he finally gave in. "Alright. You win."

Seeing genuine regret on his face, Alice's expression changed from anger to one of relief before she bent over and put her arms around Kirito, nearly making him jump from surprise. This was the first time he had seen the ex-Integrity Knight so vulnerable and it was in that moment that Kirito finally realized that Alice was truly worried about him. She wouldn't have patiently watched over him for the last three months otherwise; he had already considered her debt to him for freeing her from the Pontifex's control long paid.

"Don't ever do that again…", Alice choked. This time, she made no effort to hide the tears in her eyes. "I don't have anyone but you and my sister. And Selka cannot be with me all the time."

Kirito closed his eyes and gently returned her embrace. "I'm sorry, Alice, I didn't think. I promise I won't leave you alone. Nor will I ever dishonor you or Eugeo again."

After releasing his caretaker, Kirito sat up and took a moment to gaze into her remaining eye. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised at Alice's behavior. Despite their cold demeanors, even Integrity Knights had emotions. But the young woman before him was more than just that. Before she became a knight, Alice was the young girl for whom Eugeo had pined for nearly a decade, the one he had worked so hard to become a swordsman for. Not only had Eugeo desired to find Alice and bring her home, he also wanted to be seen as a hero in her eyes. Kirito had known this ever since the younger boy had expressed his desire to learn the sword.

Ironically, Alice _had_ come to respect Eugeo as a warrior after witnessing his sword-fighting skills. But she could not remember him as the gentle flaxen-haired boy who had loved and longed for her since childhood. It was also over Alice that Kirito had been forced to engage his best friend in serious combat. Not because of anything she did wrong, but because Quinella had deceived Eugeo into believing that he and Alice were lovers. Kirito knew this the moment he and Eugeo crossed blades because it was the only thing that could have angered and wounded Eugeo enough to turn his sword on them both.

And that knowledge broke his heart more than anything. But even so, he could not blame Eugeo for his actions. Kirito himself probably would have reacted no differently if someone had convinced him that his best friend and girlfriend were lovers behind his back. He also could not blame Eugeo for choosing to give his life for Alice once he finally came to his senses. If it were him, Kirito would have also gladly given his own life for Asuna, continued to love her, and wish for her happiness. Even if she were to lose every memory she had of him and the love they once shared.

"Eugeo…" Alice began. "He meant a great deal to you, didn't he? Was he someone important to me too? I cannot remember."

Kirito smiled sadly and gently took her hand to press against his cheek, his own eyes misty with tears. "Yes. Eugeo was my best friend. He was also the kindest and most gentle person I ever knew, someone who wanted to wield his sword only to protect the innocent and all that is good in the world. I also know that he loved you, Alice. He loved you very much. And…so do I."

Alice became startled at Kirito's sudden confession and before she could say anything, he leaned forward and kissed her. It was the first time Alice had ever been kissed by a boy. But still, she could not accept Kirito's affections that easily. So, despite returning his kiss briefly, Alice placed her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away.

"Kirito, we mustn't."

Though she would not tell him the reason, Kirito understood and immediately regretted his rash act. It quickly hit him that he had just betrayed both Asuna and Eugeo by kissing Alice.

"I…I'm sorry" he apologized. "I had no right to do that; please forgive me, Alice."

Alice shook her head. "No, its all right, Kirito. I am not angry with you. It's just that… I do not think you really meant what you said."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I do not think what you feel for me is truly love, Kirito. You are lonely, you miss your Asuna. It is _her _you love."

Kirito gasped. "How do you know about Asuna?"

Alice hesitated for a moment before answering. "I heard you mumbling her name in your sleep. I figured that she must be a girl you know."

"Yes, that is true, Alice" he admitted. "I do love Asuna but that doesn't mean I don't care about _you_ as well. Even if you cannot remember, you were also a very important part of my life."

Though he knew his words must have sounded strange to the former Integrity Knight, Kirito meant them with all his heart. By allowing himself to become a test subject for the STL, he was able to experience what other people could only dream of: a second childhood. And Alice was just as much a precious part of it as Eugeo had been. And while he still loved Asuna deeply, Kirito could not deny that he also had feelings for the girl who had cared for him loyally when he was at the lowest point in his life. Looking into her eyes, Kirito desperately wished he could explain this to Alice in a way that she could understand but knew that was impossible. So, he hoped his earlier words would suffice.

As for Alice herself, she couldn't deny that she found Kirito attractive too. After all, it was him who had carried her almost all the way to the top floor of the Central Cathedral from the outside wall with little more than his strength, wits, and will. It was also Kirito who had talked sense into her and finally made Alice realize that she had been serving a power-hungry tyrant all along so that she can break the Seal of the Right Eye to free herself. The boy's courage, compassion, and intelligence weren't the only qualities that drew Alice to him either; Kirito's handsome and exotic features were unlike any she had ever seen in all of the human empire. His blue-black hair reminded Alice of the calm sea at night and his sharp, slanted grey eyes were the color of cold steel, like the blade of a sword, yet held a warmth and gentleness to them that few hardened warriors possessed.

Everything about Kirito was beautiful and part of her wanted to take what he offered.

Seeing Alice so conflicted made Kirito regret putting her in such a difficult position. How could he explain to her that he was literally from another world and not another land like he had allowed others to believe? How could Kirito could explain that he had also, in a sense, been reborn into her world and had a life there as well? None of that would make sense to Alice and only confused her further. Or worse, make her think he was crazy.

Fortunately, Alice saved him the trouble. "I understand. And I'm honored that you feel this way for me too. I just don't want to be… the other woman."

Kirito shook his head before taking Alice's hand and drew her closer. "No, its not like that at all" he insisted.

After being trapped in the Underworld for more than two years as well as his failed attempt to log out after he and Eugeo destroyed Quinella at the Central Cathedral, Kirito had come to accept that he may never be able to go home. He also understood why Alice feared he may try to take his own life again.

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"What I mean to say is that I never thought of you that way, Alice. There's no rule that says we cannot... treasure more than one person."

Asuna might disagree, of course. But Kirito tried not to think about that; it wouldn't do any good anyway since his lover from the real world wasn't here.

"You're right" Alice agreed. "But still, I don't think we should take things any further since that would be unfair to Asuna. Please take some time to think this over, Kirito."

Trying to let his disappointment show on his face, he nodded in agreement. "You're right, Alice. I don't want to hurt either of you. But remember that no matter what, I will always be your friend. And I hope you'll stay mine as well."

Alice smiled before giving Kirito a chaste kiss on the cheek. "That, I can accept. Please rest for now. Selka will be over to help me make dinner soon. I'll let you know when it's ready."

Glad that they were able to work something out, at least for now, Kirito laid down again and closed his eyes in relief.

"Thank you, Alice. I will."

**Footnotes:**

**1\. In the LNs, Alice Zuberg and Alice Synthesis 30 are implied to be different people but in my fic, they are the same person. I will provide an explanation for this in a future chapter.**

**2\. Technically, Sacred Weapons such as the swords used by the Integrity Knights as well as Kirito and Eugeo cannot rust. But for humor, I've decided to have Alice convince Kirito that they can so that he won't insist on taking their swords into the bath. **

**3\. In the LNs, Kirito does not get his right arm back for a while. Since I haven't read them, I'm not sure exactly how he does but for my fic, I had Alice and Selka re-attach it for him.**

**4\. Unlike the anime, the LNs/manga go into more detail regarding Eugeo's backstory. His family is only briefly mentioned by Quinella in the anime but not seen.**

**5\. In canon, Kirito is in a vegetable state for more than 6 months but I shortened it to 2 months for my fic so that he can interact with Alice and other people.**

**6\. For my fic, Kirito will still love Asuna but also develop feelings for Alice over time as well.**


	2. An Angel Watching Over Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. This fic takes place after the first half of the Alicization arc so I suggest you not read any further if you have not seen the anime past episode 24 or read the LNs past volume 14 if you want to avoid spoilers. This story is also slightly AU-ish with differences from the original so please excuse any discrepancies with canon and refer to the footnotes at the end. That said, enjoy and please review!**

**An Angel Watching Over Me**

"Eugeo…"

The blond youth slowly opened his eyes and found himself lying in a field of beautiful flowers as blue as the sword he once carried. The sky above him was also a mixture of dark blue and purple hues as well as dotted with millions of glorious stars. ***1*** But the beauty of his surroundings was nothing compared to the blonde maiden hovering over him, her golden hair and smile as bright as the sun.

Eugeo smiled as he reached for his lovely companion. "Alice…"

Alice took his hand and placed it against her cheek. "Yes, it is I, Eugeo. You've finally found me after all these years…"

"I have? Where am I? What happened?"

Alice blinked and gave him a surprised look. "You don't remember, Eugeo? You've died. And now you're here with me in paradise. There's nothing that can tear us apart ever again. We'll be together forever, just like you've always wanted."

"I've died...?"

At first, Eugeo thought Alice spoke only in jest and closed his eyes as he tried to collect his thoughts and recall the moments that led up to him being here with his long-lost love. Images of a beautiful but deadly semi-nude woman with flowing lavender hair engaged in combat with a raven-haired youth dressed in black and wielding two swords that lasted only moments but seemed like an eternity, crossed Eugeo's mind. Eugeo knew this young man, had known him for many years. They had fought together side by side countless times, and the battle with the lavender-haired woman who had the face of an angel but heart of a demon, was the last they would ever fight together.

"Kirito…" he whispered as his memories came flooding back. The last thing Eugeo remembered was being gently held in the remaining arm of his best friend while struggling to keep his eyes open. There was still so much he wanted to say to Kirito but was not allowed the time because as strong as Eugeo had become during the course of their journey, there was still a greater power he could not conquer: the power of death.

"Yes…" Alice confirmed. "But do not fear. For you and your friend have emerged victorious against the evil Pontifex of the Axiom Church. You've sacrificed so much, Eugeo, including your life, for your friends and countless other innocents. This is your reward, the happiness you've longed for but have been unfairly denied all your life."

"I see…so I _have_ died and gone to heaven…" Eugeo mused. He knew he should be happy to be reunited with the girl he loved, to be freed from all of the world's pain and suffering forever.

But why then, did his heart _still_ not feel at peace?

"Kirito…" Eugeo murmured as he recalled the image of his best friend, who pleaded with him to hold on a little longer as he tried to heal the horrific injury inflicted on Eugeo by Quinella, despite being in terrible agony himself from having his right arm severed from his body.

Eugeo gasped as a thought suddenly came to him. Did Kirito survive his injury? Had he been able to escape the Central Cathedral alive with the other Alice?

"Alice… what happened to Kirito?"

"He lives, do not worry."

Although Eugeo knew he should be grateful and leave it at that, for some reason, Alice's answer did not satisfy him. Sitting up, Eugeo took Alice by the shoulders and looked straight into her ocean-blue eyes.

"Would it be possible for me to see him?" he asked.

She looked at him curiously. "Why would you wish to?"

"I just want to know if he's all right. Please, Alice, if it's possible, tell me how to see Kirito."

Alice was silent for a moment. "You can see him, Eugeo, if that is your wish. But be sure it is what you really want."

Eugeo found himself slightly confused at his lover's words. But he could not feel at ease without knowing how Kirito was faring.

"I do…please tell me how…"

"It is easier than you think, Eugeo", she answered. "If you wish to see someone you know who is still living, all you have to do is focus your thoughts on them as intently as you can. Just remember that you can stay on the human plane for only brief moments of time."

"I understand. Thank you, Alice." Eugeo said as he released her and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, the blond youth pushed all other thoughts out of his mind and tried to envision his raven-haired friend.

After a few moments, Eugeo opened his eyes again and found himself in a small bedroom with only a few candles for illumination…

**SSSSSS**

Sleep did not come easily for Kirito nowadays. Ever since arriving in Rulid and moving into his new home on the outskirts of the village with Alice, he had often found himself dreading sleep because of the nightmares that would visit him frequently. And when Kirito wasn't having nightmares, he was haunted by dreams of the young man he had failed to save as well as dreams of being shunned by his loved ones back in the real world should he ever be fortunate enough to return.

Tonight, is an exception, though. Due to blood loss from his failed suicide attempt earlier, Kirito fell asleep almost as soon as Alice had left him in the living room to make dinner with Selka. The Zuberg sisters later found themselves unable to wake him to join them for dinner so they ended up bringing Kirito back to his room and putting him to bed to recover from his anemia with sleep. ***2*** But Alice still made sure to save him some food should he wake up hungry in the middle of the night.

Not that Kirito would be making any trips to the kitchen for a midnight snack any time soon. For he was in such a deep sleep that even if the boy approaching his bed was still flesh and blood instead of a phantom, he would not be able to detect his presence.

"Kirito…" Eugeo whispered as his eyes wandered over the sleeping form of his best friend. He knew the older boy could not see or hear him but kept his voice low nonetheless.

Likewise, Eugeo also didn't expect Kirito to be the same after facing off against the Pontifex of the Axiom Church. But nothing could have prepared him for the sight of his friend's current state.

As a former woodcutter, Eugeo had been used to waking up at the crack of dawn everyday and often found himself having to wake Kirito as well to prevent him from oversleeping. Especially when they were expected to be up early for work on the barn where they stayed briefly in Zakkaria and later for class at the Centoria Swordcraft Academy. He was also used to seeing his friend sleep with his limbs thrown about in happy, careless abandon, and often with his mouth wide open accompanied by a cute string of drool hanging down his chin that never failed to bring a smile to Eugeo's face.

But none of that was present now. Kirito had become a pale shadow of his former self and his position was similar to a body placed in a coffin for burial with the exception of his arms which laid in parallel to his sides. Not only that, Kirito appeared bloodless and the expression on his face was anything but peaceful. He was also noticeably thinner, indicating that he ate only enough to stay alive and functional, another contrast to his once-hearty appetite. When Eugeo noticed Kirito's lips starting to move, he leaned closer to try to make out what the older boy was saying.

"Eugeo… I'm sorry… I couldn't protect.. you..."

Eugeo frowned at the mention of his name. He had never known Kirito to talk in his sleep and certainly not in the manner that he was now. Only once did Eugeo hear such anguish and regret in his friend's voice and that was when they exchanged words for the last time before their tragic parting at the Central Cathedral in Centoria.

"Kirito… don't be sad. I'm right here watching you…" Eugeo whispered as he sat down on the bed next to his sleeping friend. "Even if you can't see me."

As he spoke, his heart was filled with pity. And longing to ease Kirito's pain, Eugeo reached out and gently touched his face. Or tried to, at least. Until he noticed that his hand passed right through Kirito's body, reminding him that he was no longer alive with the means of comforting his friend.

_It's no use… I can't comfort him. He doesn't feel it… _Eugeo thought in despair.

But that wasn't the worst of it. When Kirito finally shifted, he subconsciously moved one of his arms above his head on the pillow. And that was when Eugeo caught sight of a scar on the inside of Kirito's wrist, one that he immediately recognized as the work of a sharp blade.

The blade of a knife. Or more likely, a sword.

Eugeo gasped as realization dawned on him. "Kirito, no… you didn't!"

But there was no mistaking it. The reason Kirito was so sickly pale now was due to losing a vast amount of blood that came from trying to take his own life.

"Alice did tell you to be sure that seeing your friend was you really wanted, Eugeo…" a female voice said softly from behind him. "Now that you know, you will no longer be at peace."

Turning around, Eugeo saw Cardinal, also a phantom like himself, with a solemn expression on her face.

"Cardinal…what's wrong with Kirito? Why did he do this?" Eugeo demanded as he made a gesture towards his sleeping friend.

The child-like woman gave him an incredulous look. "I would think that it's obvious that Kirito is suffering from grief. And anemia."

"Is it because of what happened to me? That wasn't his fault!"

"I agree, Eugeo. But Kirito himself doesn't see it that way. His pain runs deep. More than you can ever imagine."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that your friend has been a warrior longer than you think; he has fought many a battle before meeting you, lost other allies, and has many scars from his past which he has bravely endured until now. But even Kirito has limits as to how much he can take. Think about it, Eugeo: unleashing the power of just one Sacred Weapon is already taxing enough on the user's body. Imagine the strain that would come from doing so with two of them like Kirito did to destroy Quinella. That, combined with the anguish of losing someone he treasured was more than enough to break anyone's mind, body, and spirit."

As Cardinal's words sank in, Eugeo turned back to look at Kirito again. "This is my fault. I did this to him. Ever since the day we met, Kirito's always been there for me, taken such good care of me. If it wasn't for him, I would have lived out my whole life bound to my calling and never able to experience the world outside my village. That's why, just once, _I_ wanted to be the one to protect _him_. But I acted recklessly thinking that I can destroy that monster, Administrator, alone. And in the end, my mistake costed us both dearly. I've become so used to seeing Kirito do the impossible that I often forget he's just as human and vulnerable as anyone else."

Cardinal gave the blond a sympathetic smile as she approached Kirito's bedside. "You mustn't be so hard on yourself, Eugeo" she said gently. "While you may have made an error in judgment, your intentions were good. And you're not the only one who forgets that Kirito is only human; I often have as well. I'm sure you've realized by now that I've been watching over the both of you for quite some time."

"I have… Kirito mentioned it. Please tell me, Cardinal, will he be alright? I've always known him to be strong, always believed that no matter what happened to me, Kirito would be able to move on. But seeing him like this now gives me doubts."

"Its not impossible. But it will be a long and difficult recovery."

"Isn't there anything I can do to help him?"

"There… might be a way."

Eugeo stared at Cardinal before reaching out and taking the small child-like woman by the shoulders and discovered, to his relief, that he _could_ make physical contact with her, unlike with Kirito.

"Is there? Please tell me how!" he pleaded. "I'll do anything to help Kirito; I just can't stand seeing him like this!"

Cardinal hesitated as if she wasn't sure how she was going to explain to the boy begging for her help.

"Normally, this isn't possible. In fact, if you were anyone else, it wouldn't be. But because you have a special connection to Kirito, you may be able to reach out to him in a way that no one else in our world can."

Although anxious and hopeful at the possibility that he would be able to help his friend, Eugeo was puzzled by Cardinal's answer.

"Our world? What do you mean?"

"I'm sure you've heard Quinella mention it, that Kirito is from the 'other side'?"

"Yes… I remember. I didn't understand what she meant by that, though."

"Well, to keep things simple, Quinella meant that Kirito is from another world. Literally."

"Are you serious?"

"I am. Have you ever noticed how exotic his looks are compared to people here?"

"Well, yes" Eugeo admitted. "But I've always thought it was because he was from another land."

"It is true that people with black hair and grey eyes exist in our world", Cardinal admitted. "But no one here has Kirito's sharp, slanted eyes. And no one else here possess the unusual words you've often heard in his vocabulary. Only people from his world would understand them."

"If what you say is true, then what connection could I possibly have to him as a native of this world?"

"That... might be a bit difficult to explain in a way that you can understand, Eugeo, but I will try."

"Please. I'd appreciate it."

"To start, our world was created by a handful of individuals from Kirito's world who copied the 'fluctlights', or, if it's easier for you to understand, the 'souls' of a handful of people there to create those who would become the ancestors of people in our world."

"And how do Kirito and I fit into this? Are you saying that everyone in this world are spawned from a handful of people from Kirito's world?"

"Not directly, but yes. It's a bit similar to a relationship between cousins. But you and Kirito are different, special to be more precise. I've suspected this when I first became aware of both of your existences but now, I am certain of it."

"Of what?"

"Before I answer that, let me ask you: have you and Kirito ever been told by anyone how strikingly similar you are despite having no blood relation? Have you two noticed a strong connection to each other that you just can't explain?"

Eugeo was about to say "no" when he suddenly remembered that he had indeed heard people remark about how he and Kirito looked similar enough to be twins. In fact, with the exception of their skin tone, hair, and eye color, they looked almost identical. ***3***

"Well, yes", the blond youth admitted. "I just didn't think much of it until now. But when I first met Kirito, I did feel almost as though I was looking into a mirror at a different version of myself."

"I see. Well, what if I told you that your connection to Kirito is akin to that of a twin brother? And that his fluclight was used to create yours directly instead of you simply being descended from a person here who was cloned from another in Kirito's world?"

Eugeo found himself dumbstruck at the shocking revelation. "What are you saying?" he demanded. "That I'm just a copy of Kirito?"

The child-like woman shook her head. "Well, no, not exactly. While you may have been created from a part of Kirito's consciousness, his fluctlight, you still have your own will, memories, and life experiences as well as unique personality and characteristics. Do you understand, Eugeo?"

"If what you said is true, then who created me? And does Kirito know?"

"To answer your first question, I think it is likely that someone from Kirito's world used his fluclight, possibly without his knowledge or consent, to create yours. As for the second question, no, I do not believe Kirito himself knows. At least, he's never given me any indication that he's aware of your true connection to him."

"I think I understand. But how can this connection we share help Kirito?"

"I'm getting there. Looking at him now, I've deduced that something must have happened back in Kirito's world to damage his fluctlight in addition to the physical strain placed on his body here by unleashing the power of two Sacred Weapons at once to take down Quinella. He has also suffered from a lot of mental stress as well. You can help Kirito repair his fluctlight little by little since you are the only one compatible with him. It just requires a bit of simple physical contact here and there like a brush to the cheek, for example."

"How can I even touch him when I don't have a physical body anymore?"

"You can't. You have to do it with your mind."

"I think you've lost me…"

Cardinal rolled her eyes before placing her hand on Kirito's face where Eugeo had failed to touch him earlier and, to the blond's amazement, successfully brushed Kirito's bangs aside as if she were just as much flesh and blood as he was.

"That's amazing!" Eugeo exclaimed. "How did you do that?"

"Like I said: with my mind. Its not actually my hand touching him. I simply envisioned the act of brushing his hair aside in my mind and made the actual gesture to help me focus easier. I also imagined how his hair would feel between my fingers if I still had a physical body."

"Can I try it too?"

"Of course. But since its your first time, you may not get it right away so don't be discouraged. Like with everything, practice makes perfect so be patient."

Eugeo nodded and tried to envision himself holding Kirito's hand as well as imagine how it would physically feel before finally reaching out for his friend's hand.

It took three tries. The first two times, Eugeo's hand passed right through Kirito's before he was finally able to grasp it gently, the success bringing a smile to his face. What was that expression he often heard Kirito use?

"That's right! Kirito often said 'third time's the charm' when you fail to do something on the first and second try."***4***

Cardinal couldn't help smiling as well. "I think that's a popular expression from his world. Looks like it holds true in ours as well. At least with you, it does."

"Thank you so much; I can't tell you how much this means to me, Cardinal. Now that I can do this, I should be able to help and protect Kirito!" Eugeo said excitedly.

"You're welcome, Eugeo. Just don't get carried away and overdo it" she warned. "You don't want to frighten him, especially when he's still in such a frail mental state."

"I understand. I'll be careful" the blond youth promised before he noticed that Cardinal as well as their surroundings starting to fade around him.

"What's happening?'

"It looks like our time is almost up. As spirits, we are only permitted to stay on the human plane for limited amounts of time."

"Yes…that's right" Eugeo said before turning back to his sleeping friend. "I must go now, Kirito. But I'll be back, I promise!"

After Eugeo and Cardinal finally faded away, Kirito stirred in his bed and slowly opened his eyes. Without getting up, he brought his hand to his face before raking it through his dark hair. He didn't know why, but Kirito could have sworn that he felt someone brushing his bangs away from his face and holding his hand just a moment ago and thought it was Alice or Selka. But after darting his eyes around the room, Kirito found that he was completely alone and could find no sign that anyone had been there with him.

_What was that?_ He thought curiously. When no answer came, Kirito came to the conclusion that he must have been imagining things and slowly went back to sleep.

Little did the boy know, was that he now had a beautiful blond angel watching over him.

**Footnotes:**

**1\. In the ending credits of the anime and several arts I've seen on-line, Eugeo is standing or lying in a field full of blue flowers with nighttime surroundings. I believe this was his vision of what heaven or paradise was like.**

**2\. I am not sure if this is true, but I assume that vast blood loss can make someone sleepy as well as weak and tired.**

**3\. The LNs make a reference to Kirito and Eugeo being similar enough in appearance and size to be twins. I see them as being closer to mirror-image twins due to one being blonde and the other being dark-haired as well as differences in personality and temperaments. **

**4\. After becoming an Integrity Knight, Eugeo gained the ability to move objects with his mind and used it to take his sword away from Kirito. He will still have this ability as a spirit for my fic.**


	3. Confessions from the Heart

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. This fic is based off the Alicization Arc with some differences and deviation from the original; please refer to the footnotes at the end. On a note, I like to experiment with alternate pairings as well as alternate versions of events so if that does not sit well with you, then I suggest you not read any further. That being said, enjoy and please review ^^.**

**Confessions from the Heart**

"Where is this place, Kirito? Why did you want to come here?" Alice Zuberg asked as she gently pushed Kirito's wheelchair off the main Rulid village road and towards a forest clearing.

The raven-haired youth shifted slightly in his wheelchair as he turned his head to face his caretaker.

"This is the forest where the Gigas Cedar used to be, Alice. Long ago, Eugeo and I would chop at it every day and you used to bring us our lunches exactly at noon when you got out of your Sacred Arts classes."

Alice looked around the forest clearing with interest. While she couldn't exactly remember bringing lunch to Kirito and Eugeo here as a child, the ex-Integrity Knight had to admit that the area_ did_ feel somewhat familiar to her. Although their home was nearby, it was the first time Kirito requested that Alice bring him to this area in particular after they stopped by the local flower shop in Rulid so he could purchase a bouquet of zinnias, flowers that represented remembrance of loved ones.

"The Gigas Cedar…" the blonde repeated curiously. "What was it?"

"That. Over there" Kirito answered as he pointed towards the direction of the largest tree stump Alice had ever seen. One that was at least five times larger than a normal tree stump indicating that the tree that once stood there must have been gigantic.

"Wow…that tree must have been huge" Alice remarked as she pushed Kirito's wheelchair right in front of the giant tree stump. "What happened to this Gigas Cedar?"

Kirito smiled sadly as he recalled the blond boy who finally achieved what six generations of woodcutters in his village could not in over three hundred years.

"Eugeo cut it down. He was the last person to work on this tree before it finally fell."

"Eugeo alone did this?" Alice asked curiously as she stared at the giant tree stump in amazement and wonder. "I thought you said you were helping him?"

"I was" Kirito admitted. "But Eugeo did most of the work and he was the one who delivered the blow that took it down for good. It was after completing this task that Eugeo decided to leave for Centoria with me to become a swordsman."

"I see… that's interesting. So why did you want to come here today of all places?"

"Because…this is also where I met Eugeo for the first time", Kirito answered as he finally placed the bouquet on the stump of the Gigas Cedar. ***1***

Technically, the forest clearing was where Kirito had actually met Eugeo for the second time as a young man since both of their memories of being childhood friends were lost for a time.

But Kirito thought it best not to mention that to Alice since it would likely be too complicated for him to explain and too complicated for her to understand.

"Is that the only reason?"

Kirito sighed and shook his head. "No… I also wanted to come here to pay my respects to Eugeo. And hopefully help jog your memory a bit more since you used to spend a lot of time here with us too."** *2***

Alice gazed at the bouquet of flowers on the giant tree stump. "Well, I'll admit that this area _does_ feel somewhat familiar" she confessed. "Even though I can't remember playing here with you and Eugeo, I believe what you say."

Kirito reached behind himself and gently patted Alice's hand. "It's alright if you can't remember right away; I didn't expect you to. I'm grateful that you even agreed to take me here in the first place."

"I do not mind, Kirito. I like this forest; it feels peaceful and tranquil to me. And if it makes you feel closer to Eugeo being here, we can come more often if you like."

Kirito nodded. "I'd like that, Alice. By the way, there's an apple tree a little further up the clearing. Would you mind getting some? I'd like to make an apple pie tonight."

Taking the hint, Alice said "Very well. I'll be back in ten minutes or so. If you need anything, just call for me."

"I will. Thank you, Alice."

After his caretaker left to get the apples he requested, Kirito took another quick glance around the clearing to ensure that he was truly alone before he finally spoke the words that was on his mind.

"I'm sorry for being late, Eugeo. I've been wanting to come for some time but haven't had the chance, especially since I just barely recovered from being a vegetable not too long ago. I think you'd be interested to know that I have Alice and Selka to thank for that" Kirito began quietly. After pausing for a moment to think about what he wanted to say next, Kirito continued.

"I know this is long overdue, but I owe you an apology, my friend. To be honest, I've always regretted that I never told you who I really was and allowed you to think that I lost my memory for over two years. But you must believe me when I say that I never wanted to deceive you. In fact, I wanted to tell you the truth and badly at that. But I couldn't because I didn't want to frighten you or worse, make you think I was crazy. And then later, I didn't want to lose your friendship. I probably never mentioned it, but I've always cared a great deal about what you thought of me, Eugeo. I am not from anywhere in the Human Empire and the world I came from is as different from yours as night is from day. When I found myself stranded here, my original intention was to find a way back. But later, I wanted to take you and Alice with me when I realized that both of you wouldn't be able to live normal lives here after breaking the Taboo Index. Unfortunately, it did not work out the way I hoped and now, even I cannot go home. But I accept it as my punishment for failing you… and Alice. If there was anything I valued as much as my sword, my very life, was your faith and trust in me. And it kills me knowing that I've let you down."

As he spoke, Kirito found his eyes tearing up. And not because he knew he could not go home, but because his own words renewed the pain of Eugeo's loss once more. Kirito remembered how, in this very clearing almost three years ago, the kind-hearted blond boy offered him half of his meager lunch just moments after they met without asking for anything in return until Kirito himself volunteered to help him cut the Gigas Cedar. He also remembered how Eugeo stood there with a mischievous smile on his face, waiting for him to stun himself by striking the monster tree the wrong way and then burst out laughing when Kirito did exactly that.

Of course, he didn't think it was funny at the time but looking back on everything now made Kirito realize how much he missed Eugeo's mellifluous laughter and would have given anything to hear it again if he could. ***3***

"I know this doesn't mean much coming from me now, but I've always thought that you deserved so much more than you were ever given. That's why I wanted to take you and Alice back to my world with me where there's no Taboo Index to dictate your lives and where both of you could have the freedom to live as you wanted. But like I said, it didn't turn out as I hoped. When I returned to Rulid with Alice, I realized the cruel irony that she was the one who ended up bringing me home instead of the other way around. For what it's worth, I believed that you should have been the one to return with her, not me. I wanted Alice to abandon me after we destroyed the Pontifex and would have forced her if I could. But she was stubborn and would not leave me or allow me to die. I guess her stubbornness is one thing about Alice that hasn't changed."

When he mentioned Alice, Kirito found a small smile tugging at his lips. The irony of having the former Integrity Knight who tried to kill him just a few months ago now forcing him to live whether he wanted to or not wasn't lost on Kirito. Although Alice had returned the two swords Kirito kept close to his side once more, she refused to lift the Sacred Art spell she casted to keep them securely locked inside their sheaths in case he was ever tempted to go back on his word not to fatally cut himself with them again.

"I guess what I wanted to say more than anything is that I miss you, Eugeo. More than you can ever imagine. Your friendship was the one thing I treasured the most in this world that's so far from my own. You've helped me to keep my sanity for the two years that I've been stuck here and now it's Alice who's doing that in your place. I wanted to protect her for you but as my crappy luck would have it, she's actually the one who's taking care of me. It's something I feel really bad about now but there's nothing I can do but hope that I'll eventually get better enough to take care of myself so I won't burden her and Selka anymore. Sometimes I wonder what you would think if you saw me now. You'd probably laugh at my pathetic state. But I wouldn't mind as long as it was you since you've proven yourself to be the better man between us. I also hope that you're happy, wherever you are now. You deserve to be more than anyone."

After he had finished pouring his heart out to the bouquet he had placed on the stump of the Gigas Cedar, Kirito sighed and placed his hands on his lap to observe a moment of silence for his late friend whom he hoped somewhere, somehow, could hear him. He also could not help but wonder where artificial fluctlights go when they die. Do they ascend to heaven if they've led righteous lives like people in the real world were believed to? Or do they simply ceased to exist altogether? Unlike the NPCs of Aincrad and the other virtual worlds he had visited in the past, Kirito thought of the Underworld inhabitants as being every bit as human as people of the real world and hoped that the former was true.

_If artificial fluctlights do indeed go to heaven, then Eugeo would be a most beautiful angel… _Kirito mused before he heard approaching footsteps and turned to find Alice with a basketful of apples in her arms.

Smiling politely, he said "Wow, it looks like we can make a couple of pies with those, Alice."

The blonde nodded. "Apples can be used to make a lot more than pies, Kirito" she said good-naturedly.

"Of course. Thanks for giving me a moment. Let's go home before it gets dark."

"Agreed."

Kirito was about to say something else when he and Alice suddenly notice a soft breeze wafting through the clearing.

"A bit chilly, isn't it?" Alice asked as she secured the scarf she was wearing around her head and neck.

"Yeah…" Kirito agreed. "Its strange, though; I don't ever remember this clearing getting breezy."

"I guess the winds have more room to move now that the Gigas Cedar is gone?"

"Could be. Anyway, let's get going."

Turning back to the gigantic tree stump, Kirito took one last look at the bouquet of zinnias he had left for Eugeo and noticed a different flower next to it. It was a pink flower that bore a striking resemblance to a chrysanthemum from his world, a flower that represented friendship and support.

"What the…?" he began in confusion.

"Is something wrong, Kirito?" Alice asked curiously as she approached him and stood behind his wheelchair.

"This flower…where did it come from? It wasn't here a second ago…" he said in awe.

Looking over his shoulder, Alice also noticed the lovely pink flower. "I don't know. Maybe it fell from one of the other trees when the breeze hit the clearing?" she suggested. "Its pretty though. Do you want to take it home? Selka just gave me this new vase I'm sure it would look nice in. You can put it on your windowsill or night table."

"Yes… I'd like that" Kirito said as he took the chrysanthemum flower off the stump before turning to Alice.

"I'm looking forward to seeing how this flower would look in your new vase. And making that apple pie."

The blonde finally smiled and hoped Kirito's comment meant that his appetite was starting to return.

"Me too."

**SSSSSS**

"Kirito, when do you think those apples will be ready?" Alice called from the kitchen as she and Selka were preparing dinner.

"Not long, I've just got a few more left to work on!" he shot back from his seat on the wheelchair that was parked on the front porch of their home. With the basket of apples at his feet and a glass bowl in his lap, Kirito had spent the last hour peeling and cutting the apples that Alice had brought back from the forest into slices that they will be needing to bake the pie he had requested.

With just three more apples to cut, Kirito took a moment to gaze at the setting sun in the distance. The sight reminded him of how he, Alice, and Eugeo used to sit on a hill together as children at dusk to watch the sun set while chatting about anything and everything they found fascinating and amusing. Those were happy and care-free days that Kirito had treasured during his second childhood in the Underworld just as much as his first childhood memories with Suguha in the real world.

Now that the memories of his lives in both worlds have been restored, Kirito could not help but feel a bit overwhelmed at times. After all, he was not a native of this virtual world yet at the same time, he was. But the difference between Kirito and the other inhabitants of the Underworld was that he could go against the Taboo Index without being bound by the Seal of the Right Eye and to his knowledge, only Eugeo and Alice had been able to break it through their own sheer willpower.

Even so, Kirito would not have minded being subject to the seal if it meant that he could walk and take care of himself again. For despite no longer being as helpless as he had been during the two months he had spent in a vegetable state, Kirito knew he still wasn't too far from it. Even though he had shown a lot of improvement thanks to Alice and Selka's efforts, Kirito still required assistance performing even some of the most mundane tasks he used to take for granted such as dressing and bathing himself. And while he still had feeling in his legs, they were simply too weak to support his weight to walk or stand for very long.

_I'm so pathetic,_ Kirito thought as he reached for a herb in his pocket that Selka had given him to chew on whenever he was having depressing thoughts. In the real world, the herb would have been the equivalent of an anti-depressant pill but without the nasty side-effects due to being all-natural.

Unfortunately, Kirito also noticed that the herb was starting to lose its effectiveness in easing the bouts of depression he often suffered since waking up from his vegetable state. And as crazy as it sounded, he would have preferred that the herb give him negative side effects than none at all since they would have at least distracted him from his depressing thoughts of having failed Eugeo and to an extent, Alice as well.

_This just isn't working anymore_, Kirito thought as he finally stopped chewing the herb and threw it away in disgust. After watching the herb vanish in a nearby bush, the raven-haired youth found his eyes wandering to the fruit knife he had been using to cut the apples. Feeling a new wave of depression coming on, Kirito knew he had to find another way to deal with it or he would surely go mad. And while he had given Alice his word that he would not try to take his own life again, Kirito just realized that he never promised her not to injure himself in non-lethal ways like he was feeling the urge to do now.

_I'll just tell Alice it was an accident if she asks…_ Kirito told himself as he brought his fruit knife closer to the hand he was holding an apple he was about to peel with.

Just as Kirito was about to press the blade against his skin to slice the tender flesh, he suddenly felt his other hand, the one holding the knife, cease to move. It felt like something or someone was grasping his wrist to keep it from moving, resisting his efforts to break free.

Startled, Kirito's eyes widened and he gasped but tried to keep his voice down to avoid drawing the attention of his caretaker.

"What's going on?" he whispered.

_No._

"What?"

_Don't do it…_

Bewildered, Kirito looked around to see if anyone was there but could find no one nearby. Both Alice and Selka were in the kitchen so it could not have been either of them. Kirito wasn't sure if he was imagining it, but he thought he heard a voice and it actually sounded more like it was coming from inside his head than anywhere else.

_Is it my conscience?_ He wondered. It was quite rare for Kirito to have a mental conversation with himself but this didn't feel quite the same as when he did; in fact, it actually sounded like _someone else_ was speaking to him inside his mind. But that can't be possible since Kirito did not have a multiple personality disorder, at least not one he was aware of.

"I must be imagining things" Kirito muttered as he tried once again to bring the blade of the fruit knife to his skin. And as soon as he did, he felt that tight grip on his wrist again, refusing to let go.

_Don't hurt yourself, Kirito… _

Kirito bit his lip to keep from crying out in his fright.

"Who are you?" he whispered.

After a moment of silence, the voice inside his head answered.

_Just someone who doesn't want to see you hurt. So please…_

Though the mysterious voice sounded vaguely familiar, Kirito could not quite put a finger on who it could be but obeyed and moved the fruit knife away from his hand to peel the apple he was holding instead.

_Thank you… _

**SSSSSS**

"Here, how's this?" Selka asked as she presented Kirito with a beautifully decorated white vase where she placed the chrysanthemum flower he had found on the stump of the Gigas Cedar earlier that day.

Kirito smiled as he took the gift Selka offered after helping him change into his sleeping clothes for the night and took a few moments to admire the exquisite craftsmanship of the vase as he sat up in his bed. After dinner, it became routine for Kirito to assist Alice and Selka with cleaning before his usual bath and changing for bed. Even though the best he could do in regards to cleaning was wiping the dishes dry after Alice had washed them, it was still better than nothing and made him feel somewhat more useful.

"It's beautiful, Selka. And it looks pretty expensive too. Where did you get it if you don't mind my asking?"

"A traveler who passing through town offered it as a donation in exchange for a room at the church for the night", the young nun answered. "I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted that I take it. Since we have no need for such luxuries there, I figure I'd give it to you and Alice instead. She said the flower you found earlier today looks perfect with it though it doesn't look like any I've seen in the area; where exactly did you come by that flower if I may ask?"

"I'm not sure, exactly" Kirito confessed. "When Alice and I was about to leave the clearing of the Gigas Cedar, a breeze wafted through it and this flower suddenly appeared on the stump out of nowhere. Alice thought it might have fallen from one of the other trees but I felt almost like someone was offering it to me. Strange, huh?"

"Hmm… maybe someone was? Did you see anyone else there?" Selka asked curiously as Kirito handed the vase back to her before she finally placed it on his night table.

"No, I didn't" he confessed. "It could have fallen from one of the other trees like Alice said since there was no one else in the clearing but me and her. In any case, I was so fascinated by this flower that I just had to take it back with me like she suggested."

"Well, I'm glad you did. It's a very pretty flower and makes your room look a little brighter since you've got nothing but a bed and night table in here. Have you considered decorating your room a bit more?"

Kirito shook his head. "Its not really necessary, Selka. I was never much for extravagance, even after Eugeo and I got our own private dorms at the Centoria Swordcraft Academy. Though, I did indulge him a bit when he asked if we can have a couple of pictures for our walls."

Selka frowned slightly at the mention of Kirito's late friend. Even though she was never as close to Eugeo as he and Alice had been, Selka still missed him and knew Kirito did as well. And so, she offered a suggestion.

"Kirito, I was thinking, why don't you put a picture or two on your wall like the ones you had at your dorm at the academy? It might make you feel a bit closer to Eugeo, like he's still with you."

"I appreciate the suggestion, Selka. And I would if I can find such similar pictures again. Eugeo did like nature art, especially since he used to spend so much time in the forest. But for now, these two swords at my sides will do."

Selka found her eyes wandering to the swords in question. Her sister had mentioned that Kirito kept them at each of his sides in bed when he slept at night as well as taking them everywhere with him during the day.

"Are you sure its safe to keep them so close when you sleep, Kirito? I'd hate to see accidently cut yourself" Selka remarked, knowing full well that was impossible since Alice had magically locked the swords inside their sheaths to ensure that he couldn't make another suicide attempt with them. She just wanted to see how Kirito would answer.

"It's ok, Selka, really. I know it might sound strange but keeping these swords close makes me feel like Eugeo is still with me" he insisted.

"I see… I understand, Kirito. Its not my place to judge you or tell you what to do. Anyway, I don't want to keep you up so I'll be going now. I hope you enjoy the vase and flower. Good night, Kirito. And…"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad to see that you're feeling at least somewhat better again."

"I do. And thank you, Selka. For the pie and vase. Good night."

The young nun smiled as she opened the door and prepared to take her leave. "Good night, Kirito. Sleep well."

"You too."

**SSSSSS**

After Selka had left, Kirito pulled the black sword at his right side into his lap to stroke the sheathed blade for a few moments, a habit he developed over the last month when he finally became coherent again. ***4*** The name of his Sacred Weapon, the Night Sky sword, was Eugeo's parting gift to him and Kirito could not help smiling sadly at the irony of him no longer being able to wield it like he did before when it was still nameless. Still, Kirito treasured his and his late friend's Sacred Weapons just the same since they were pretty much all he had left to remind him of the young man who had been a brother to him in in all but blood as well as their friendship.

When he thought he had become drowsy enough, Kirito finally set his black sword aside and laid down before closing his eyes. The chrysanthemum flower on his night table gave off a pleasant scent that enabled Kirito to fall asleep a bit faster and easier than he normally would have been able to because he dreaded the nightmares or disturbing dreams that often visited him when he did.

Once Kirito was finally asleep, a gentle breeze came into his room through the slightly opened window and his blond guardian angel appeared before him once more.

"Kirito… I'm here" Eugeo said softly as he looked down at the sleeping form of his best friend who, to his relief, looked a bit better than when he last saw him. Eugeo knew he would only be able to stay for a brief time but was determined to make the most of it before having to leave again. Taking a seat at Kirito's bedside, Eugeo gently cupped the older boy's face with one hand using the power of his mind to make physical contact and smiled when he saw Kirito sigh in contentment and subconsciously move closer as if the touch was soothing and comforting to him.

"I'm so glad there are still some things I can do to make you feel better, my friend" the blond said gently. "I'm also happy that you liked the flower I gave you, even if you don't know where it came from. Although you can't see or hear me now, I was there with you in the forest clearing today and heard every word you said. And not only did I hear, I also understood them as clear as day. I do not blame you for the secrets you kept from me; I know you had your reasons. All I ever cared about was your friendship and that will never change so please stop blaming yourself for what happened to me. That was not your fault but mine entirely. And while you may have inspired me to become a swordsman, the decision was still entirely my own. My only regret was leaving you and everyone else I ever cared about behind. But if I had to do it all over again, I'd still rather fall in battle fighting by your side than stay in my village bound to my calling for the rest of my life, never knowing you or seeing Alice again."

Eugeo paused and gently brushed his thumb against Kirito's lips before continuing.

"I know you are going through a hard time now, Kirito. But I don't ever want to see you hurt yourself and will stop you as many times as it takes. No matter what happens, I want you to love and respect yourself again because it's the only way you will ever truly recover. I want to see you go back to the way you were when I first met you, to smile for yourself and for others like you did for me when I was alive. And I mean this with all my heart because you've been more of a brother to me than my real ones ever were. Even though you were a more experienced swordfighter than myself, you always respected and treated me as an equal. Not only that, you encouraged me, reminding me of my love for Alice whenever I struggled with anything. I treasured that so much that I chose my friendship with you just as much as Alice over the wishes of my family. And I would gladly do it over again with no regrets. So please, Kirito, try to move on and be happy. That's all I ask of you."

Eugeo paused again when he noticed that Kirito as well as the room around him was starting to fade, indicating that he didn't have much time left before he had to leave again. Leaning over, Eugeo gave his best friend a brotherly kiss on the cheek. Even though the older boy could not hear a word he had just said, Eugeo hoped that Kirito would at least feel them someway, somehow.

"I have to go now, Kirito. But I promise that I will always watch over you. Until the day we meet again. Farewell…"

After the Eugeo had vanished once more, Kirito stirred in his sleep, subconsciously placing his hand over the Blue Rose sword at his left side while whispering:

"_Thank you, friend…"_

**Footnotes:**

**1\. Because Eugeo had no grave, Kirito chose to put flowers on the stump of the Gigas Cedar as a substitute and because it was where they met after his second dive into the Underworld.**

**2\. Unlike the other Integrity Knights, Alice's memories cannot be completely restored because Eugeo took her memory crystal with him when he died. But like the others, she can still vaguely recall familiar people and places from her childhood.**

**3\. Mellifluous means sweet or pleasant to hear. Because Kirito cared deeply for Eugeo, he misses everything about him, including his laughter.**

**4\. In my fic, Kirito keeps his sword on the right side of his bed when he sleeps and Eugeo's sword on his left to symbolize their opposing dominant hand.**


	4. Interesing Truths and Revelations

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. This fic is based off the Alicization Arc with some differences and deviation from the original; please refer to the footnotes at the end. On a note, I like to experiment with alternate pairings as well as alternate versions of events so if that does not sit well with you, then I suggest you not read any further. That being said, enjoy and please review!**

**Interesting Truths and Revelations**

"Ok, can you lift your arms a bit, Kirito?" Alice asked from her seat behind the washtub that Kirito was sitting in.

"Um, is it all right if we skip that part, Alice? You know I'm a bit sensitive there…" he answered sheepishly.

Asides from requiring assistance to get dressed, Kirito also required assistance to bathe due to his arms having limited reach. Since he had woken up from his vegetable state, it became routine for either Alice or Selka to help Kirito bathe by scrubbing him while he was sitting in a tub full of hot, soapy water. Before that, they gave him sponge baths while he was lying in bed or on the sofa.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I'm afraid not" she answered. "If you're not thoroughly cleaned, you will smell."

Kirito found himself offended at the implication. "You know, I may be partly disabled but you really don't need to do anything more than draw my bath. I think I can manage to bathe on my own at least; I'm not a baby, you know."

"No, but you're not that far from being as helpless as one" Alice replied. "And you're whining like a baby too."

Kirito had to bite down on his lip to refrain from groaning. _There's got to be some way to get her to leave me alone…_ he thought in desperation. _It's embarrassing enough that I need help getting dressed; I want to at least be able to take a bath in peace without anyone making fun of me._

After searching his mind for a few moments, Kirito thought he finally found a way that might get his caretaker to leave.

"Ok, if you're so concerned about me being thoroughly cleaned so that I won't smell, why don't you just join me in the bath so you don't have to strain your arms reaching for my parts?", he suggested jokingly.

As he waited for Alice to respond, Kirito held his breath. He had expected her to throw the sponge she had been using to scrub his back at him in disgust before storming out of the washroom and slamming the door.

In fact, Kirito had expected pretty much any reaction from the former Integrity Knight except the one he got.

After a moment of silence, Alice replied in a quiet voice. "You do have a point, Kirito. That _would _make my job easier. Just stay where you are and don't turn around."

_Oh, God why did I have to open my big mouth? _Kirito thought nervously as he heard a soft rustle of a woman's dress and undergarments falling to the floor before Alice stepped into the tub with him.

"Ok, _now_ will you lift your arms, Kirito?" the blonde asked again as if she thought nothing of bathing naked with a young man who wasn't exactly her significant other.

Kirito swore that if his face and body grew any hotter, he would evaporate all the water out of the washtub. Though it was normal in some cultures of the real world, including Japan, for friends and family members of the same sex as well as couples to bathe together, he had never done so with anyone. ***1* **Not even with Asuna. Still, Kirito did as Alice asked since he could think of no excuse to refuse her request anymore. After all, she was his "wife", in a sense.

Like most conservative societies in the real world, it was considered improper, though ironically, not against the Taboo Index, in the Human Empire of the Underworld for a man and woman to live together unless they were married. So, in order to avoid arousing suspicion and drawing other unwanted attention from the locals, Alice had been passing Kirito off as her disabled husband since they had arrived in Rulid over three months ago. ***2***

In addition to his fake marriage, Kirito also, ironically, chose to use his true name from the real world as his alias and cover in the Underworld. Such a measure was necessary since he was still technically a criminal wanted by the Axiom Church for violating the Taboo Index. Asides from his name change, Kirito assumed another reason he had been able to evade capture by the late Pontifex's Integrity Knights and other minions so far was likely because they were told to be on the lookout for an exceptional and able-bodied rogue swordsman. Not the pathetic cripple he now was, one who was almost completely dependent on his "wife" to survive.

Trying to steer his mind away from that depressing thought, Kirito turned it towards Alice's scrubbing of his sides and underarms.

"That tickles!" Kirito complained childishly, even though he did ask for it and he knew it.

Alice rolled her eyes and Kirito could almost feel them on his back. "Seriously? After all these months, I thought you would have gotten used to it by now, Kirito" she said matter-of-factly.

"It's only been little over a month, actually" he corrected defensively. "You know I couldn't feel anything when you and Selka bathed me while I was still a vegetable, Alice."

"Oh, come now, Kirito" Alice teased with a smirk. "You've faced goblins, Integrity Knights, and even the Pontifex herself without flinching yet you're afraid of a little scrubbing of your sensitive bits?"

"Alice,_ please_ be careful how you word things!", Kirito pleaded in embarrassment. "People can easily misunderstand what you're saying!"

"Yes, that would be true if we were in public. But look around now, Kirito. Do you see anyone else here but us?"

_I give up…_ Kirito groaned inwardly. It didn't matter what he said, nothing was going to deter Alice from insisting on cleaning him thoroughly in every sense of the word. And Kirito was certain that wherever Eugeo was, he must surely be laughing his head off at his best friend's embarrassing predicament right now.

"Ok, ok, you've made your point. But are you sure you're ok with this? I mean, I was only joking about what I suggested earlier."

"To get me to leave? It looks like _you_ should be careful how you word things since people can easily misunderstand what you're saying, Kirito."

"You've got to be kidding me…" he groaned, finally unable to hold it in any longer.

"I'm not. At least, not this time" Alice said. "That's what you get for thinking you can outsmart me."

"Oh, heaven forbid…" Kirito mumbled.

"Hmm? What was that?"

"N..nothing! Lets just get this over with…"

"Of course. But since you _did_ ask me to join you, it would only be fair for you to help me get clean too, wouldn't you agree?" Alice suggested while taking a moment to enjoy watching Kirito squirm as he struggled to find the right response to her request.

"I…don't mind, Alice. But to be honest, it would be hard for me to do that with my back turned to you" he confessed.

"It's all right. I'm already in the tub and the water is quite soapy so you can't see anything."

"Ok, if you insist, Alice. Where would you like me to start? Your back?"

"Yes, that would be ideal" the blonde agreed and Kirito heard the water in the tub move as she turned around.

Once he felt it was safe to do so, Kirito finally turned and found, to his relief, Alice's back to him. As he had expected, her long blonde hair had been put up into a braided bun to keep it from getting wet. Taking the sponge she handed to him over her shoulder, he dipped it into the bathwater and made sure it was soapy enough before bringing it to her back. Even though there wasn't anything unusual about a supposed married couple bathing together, Kirito still felt a little awkward about sharing his bath with anyone since he wasn't used to it. But he didn't want to be rude by refusing Alice's request. Especially since she had been taking care of him for months so this was the least he could do for her in return.

"Have you ever taken a bath with anyone before, Alice?" Kirito asked curiously while hoping she wouldn't hit him for asking. Fortunately for him, his caretaker was not offended.

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"Because you seem quite comfortable being in here with me when just a few months ago, you were upset that I stained your dress while carrying you up the Central Cathedral."

Now it was Alice's turn to blush. In all honesty, she _had_ been quite impressed at Kirito's efforts and success at carrying her nearly all the way to the top of the Central Cathedral, armor and all. Even though she wasn't terribly heavy, Alice knew that she wasn't exactly a light little flower either due to all the muscle she had put on with combat training to be an Integrity Knight. And even though she couldn't bring herself to admit it then, Alice _did _feel bad about giving Kirito a tongue-lashing for sweating all over her dress after all his trouble simply because she did not know how to express her gratitude at the time. ***3***

"Well, about that…"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry…" Alice finally apologized. "I shouldn't have over-reacted over something so trivial like my dress getting dirty when we had far more important things to worry about. I know its long overdue, but thank you. And not just for carrying me up the Central Cathedral, but for helping me break the seal as well. Now that it's gone, I have the freedom to do as I wish without being restricted by the will of the Pontifex. Losing one eye was a small price to pay."

Kirito's expression softened and he no longer felt awkward about being in the bath alone with Alice.

"Its all right" he said softly as he continued to scrub her back and arms. "Even though you were supposedly my enemy at the time, I couldn't just let you plummet to your death. I don't think anyone deserves such a fate. Well, there might be a few exceptions, though. But you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do…" Alice replied, knowing that Kirito was referring to Quinella, the late Pontifex of the Axiom Church, and possibly her former lackey, Prime Senator Chudelkin, as well. "You might think this strange, but even after all the grief that disgusting pig put me through, I actually felt sorry for Chudelkin when _Her Eminence _casually tossed him aside like garbage after you had taken him down. Especially when he had served her faithfully for so many years, possibly even centuries. I always believed he was even more loyal to her than the Integrity Knights themselves. Although she was clearly in the wrong, Chudelkin obeyed and enforced Administrator's will and edicts faithfully and without question while uncle, err… I mean Commander Bercouli and the other knights doubted and questioned her, including me."

"No, actually, I don't think that's strange at all, Alice", Kirito assured. "Chudelkin's loyalty _is_ admirable, even if it was blind and geared towards someone who clearly didn't deserve it. And part of being human is having compassion for those who are suffering-even if they _are _your bitter enemies. I told Eugeo that as well when he wanted me to leave Vice Commander Fanatio to die from her injuries after we defeated her. The fact that you _can_ take pity, even on someone like Chudelkin, is proof that you are still human with a human heart- not the mindless and unfeeling doll Administrator wanted you to be."

She didn't know why, but Alice found herself comforted by Kirito's words and turned to face him. Even though he can behave childishly at times, the boy was also surprisingly insightful as well.

"You sound almost like a wise old man when you say that, Kirito", she teased as a smile curved her lips.

Kirito laughed softly as he tried his best to keep his eyes on Alice's face instead of letting them wander anywhere below her neck since both of them were unclothed and in a rather compromising position, even if there was no one there to catch them in it.

"Thanks a lot for the compliment. I _do_ feel like an old man at times too. Mentally and physically."

Alice frowned when she realized that she had unwittingly reminded Kirito of his physical limitations.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way", she apologized.

"Its ok, there's no need to apologize, Alice. I'm well aware of my limitations and the best I can do now is try to overcome them or live with them. One or the other."

"I see…speaking of which, how's your arm?"

Knowing that Alice meant the one she and Selka had re-attached, Kirito said "Its fine. Even though I can't lift anything heavy with it, I still have feeling in my arm."

"I'd like to look it over again after we get out, if you don't mind."

"Its not necessary but if it makes you feel better, you're welcome to look at it."

"Good…well, we better get out of the tub before our skin turns pruny. I'll go first, so please turn around."

Kirito refrained from rolling his eyes and did as his caretaker asked.

"Sure thing, Alice", he said.

**SSSSSS**

Kirito sighed and tried to relax as Alice, who sat on the living room sofa next to him, gently massaged the muscles in his outstretched right arm and hand, starting with one finger at a time before moving up to his forearm and then bicep.

"How does it feel? Does it still hurt?" the blonde asked in concern while trying to be as gentle as possible and avoiding the crude scar around Kirito's right bicep where his arm had been severed and later re-attached a month ago.

Before escaping the Central Cathedral in Centoria, Alice had made sure to take Kirito's severed right arm with her as well as the boy himself despite his protests to leave them both behind. After Kirito had fallen into his vegetable state, she had to use one of her Sacred Arts spells to preserve the limb until he became coherent again since the ritual to re-attach it would not work unless he was fully aware and conscious.

Looking back on it now, Kirito wished that didn't have to be so since the process had been agonizing for him. He swore that for as long as he lived, he would never forget the searing white-hot pain that ran through his body when he felt the dead nerves in his arm slowly come back to life and reconnected themselves with those in the stump where it had been severed. And despite Alice and Selka's best efforts, the result of the ritual was still imperfect because Kirito's right arm was considerably weaker than it was before Quinella had sliced it off during their duel at the Central Cathedral.

Fortunately for him, the scar around his bicep no longer hurt even if it wasn't exactly a pleasant sight to look upon. To avoid drawing attention to it, Kirito always made sure to wear shirts with sleeves long enough to cover the scar, which resembled a sunken red cut, whenever he went out in public. Which wasn't often.

"It's alright now" Kirito assured. "You don't have to worry because I don't feel pain there anymore. My arm won't fall off again if that's what you're worried about."

Alice rolled her eyes at his crude joke even though she was sure he didn't mean anything by it.

"Trying to keep the muscles in your arms and legs from atrophying is no laughing matter, Kirito", she replied matter-of-factly. "The only thing worse than being a vegetable that can't move is being fully coherent and not being able to move or do anything because your muscles have deteriorated."

"I was just kidding, Alice. You must really learn how to take a joke; you're always so serious. Kind of different from how you used to tease me and Eugeo about telling old man Garitta to increase our cutting quota whenever you saw us playing around the Gigas Cedar as kids."

Alice raised a brow. "Hmm? I don't remember doing anything like that" the blonde said even though Kirito caught her blushing and couldn't resist teasing her a bit more.

"Of course, you don't remember anything clearly from before you became an Integrity Knight, Alice. But do you remember the time you freaked me out when you pretended you were going to eat both of the steam buns I had while we were climbing the Central Cathedral walls? And when you knew I was starving? That wasn't too long ago. Anyone who can dish out a joke should be able to take one, no?"

If she had her sword with her, Alice would have flashed it in Kirito's face as a warning not to make fun of her like the time she saw him snicker at the sound of her growling stomach from that long climb up the Central Cathedral wall. But since she didn't have her Sacred Weapon at the moment, the ex-Integrity Knight did the next best thing and yanked on his arm hard, which _did_ hurt and would have even if it hadn't been severed before.

"Oww! What the hell did you do that for!?" Kirito whined as he stared at Alice in shock.

"I don't like people I'm going out of my way to help making fun of me" the blonde snapped even though her face was as red as a tomato as she tried her best to look angry.

Knowing that Alice was more embarrassed than anything and not wanting to be hurt any more than he already was, Kirito ceased his teasing and apologized.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I didn't mean anything by it. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but you didn't have to, really. I think it would have been better if you used your Sacred Power to regenerate your eye rather than re-attach my arm."

"What do you mean?"

"Alice, I'm not blind" Kirito answered. "I know you didn't have enough power to heal both your eye and my arm or you would have already done it. You should have left me as I was and worried about yourself instead."

Alice looked down to avoid Kirito's steel-grey eyes as she started massaging his arm again. Even though they no longer possessed the fighting spirit they did when she had first met him and looked sad most of the time, his eyes were beautiful still. The blonde didn't know why, but it made her heart flutter whenever Kirito looked at her like that and could not help but wonder if she used to feel that way about Eugeo as well.

"It's all right" Alice insisted. "I can function just fine with one eye. For you, it might be a bit more difficult to get by with just one arm. Even if you _did_ give it up willingly."

Startled at the unexpected remark, Kirito asked "What do you mean, Alice?"

"I mean that like you, I'm not blind either, Kirito. While I may have been incapacitated and unable to fight at your side while you were dueling the Pontifex, I have been observing the both of you closely and carefully."

"And?"

_"And_ the late Pontifex was not believed by people of the Human Empire to be god-like for nothing, Kirito. I hate to say it, but one of the reasons you defeated her was because she didn't start to take or fight you seriously until it was too late."

"Not that I don't believe you, but can you please clarify?"

Alice sighed. "Here's what I think, Kirito. If Administrator, or Quinella as you said her name was, had truly wanted to, she could have easily defeated and killed you quickly by slicing your head off from the start. It would have been little trouble with her lightning speed and monstrous strength. But being the arrogant and sadistic witch that she was, Quinella decided to target your right arm instead, thinking it was your dominant one. All because she wanted to see you struggle to fight her with your left arm alone for a while before finally moving in for the kill like a predator toying with its prey. However, she didn't realize that you were ambidextrous and dropped her guard after cutting off your right arm, enabling you to plunge Eugeo's sword into her heart. In short, you _deliberately_ chose to sacrifice your right arm to create the opening you needed to strike the Pontifex down, am I right?" ***4***

Kirito raised a brow at his caretaker's amazing deduction of how he really defeated the late Pontifex of the Axiom Church.

"Yes, that's exactly right, Alice" he admitted. "Even with the Night Sky and Red Rose swords at my disposal, the difference between my power and hers was still great. Unlike me, Quinella could probably keep going forever. So, I had to end the fight quickly before my strength was depleted and letting her cut off my arm so I can stab her with Eugeo's sword was the only way I could think of. Tell me, what else do you know?" he asked curiously, his interest in her knowledge piqued.

"I've also noticed that you held Eugeo's sword in your left hand, the one you used to destroy Quinella. You later chose to cut your left wrist with it and now you keep his sword at your left side when you sleep at night. It's all because it was Eugeo's dominant hand, wasn't it, Kirito?"

"Yes, that's also correct" he confirmed. "Few people know this, but Eugeo was originally left-handed. However, after he became a swordsman, he was determined to master the use of his right as well." ***5***

"Because he admired you for being ambidextrous?"

"That could have been one reason", Kirito admitted. "But I also told him that it would be a good idea to learn how to fight with both hands in case his dominant hand became injured or incapacitated."

"Good advice" Alice agreed. "Advice that you yourself took earlier in your life from someone else, right?"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you weren't born with the ability to use both hands well either, correct?"

"Wow, you're really good at this, Alice" Kirito admitted in admiration as he found himself smiling and wondering what else the blonde can figure out about him just by observation alone since they had become re-acquainted again just a few months ago.

"Thank you" she replied good-naturedly. "So, which is your dominant hand, Kirito? Originally?"

"My right" he answered. "It took me half my life to learn how to use my left hand just as well. It also took half my life to learn how to use a sword as well as I did. However, for Eugeo, it took only two years for him to learn the sword and master his right hand so no one could tell he hadn't been doing both for a lifetime. Personally, I think that makes him more remarkable than me. But let me guess, you've noticed that too, didn't you, Alice?"

"I have…" she admitted. "When I watched you two duel, I could not tell that Eugeo had only two years of sword-fighting experience or that he was born left-handed. He was indeed incredible in battle. Not that you weren't too, but I really think you would have had more strength and energy to fight the Pontifex as well as more time to figure out how to defeat her without having to sacrifice your right arm if you had allowed me to fight Eugeo instead."

At Alice's words, Kirito's smile vanished and his expression became dead serious.

"No, Alice. Out of the question."

At the raven-haired youth's tone, which was now like a whiplash, Alice was startled and looked into his eyes.

"What?"

Taking her by the shoulders, Kirito returned Alice's stare and for a moment, she thought she saw the fire he once had in his piercing grey eyes when he did battle, return.

"I mean it, Alice. Even though the situation has already passed, if I had to do it over again, I would not, _could not_, let you fight Eugeo in my place."

"And why is that?" she demanded. "Do you not have faith in my ability to fight as a swordmaiden?"

"No, that's not it, Alice. I've always had the utmost respect for your sword fighting abilities and you know this."

"Then why?"

"Its because… because I knew how he felt about you, Alice" Kirito answered fiercely. "How he_ really_ felt, even while under the Pontifex's control. His feelings were such that even the synthesis ritual could not erase them completely because I saw him falter when I asked if he truly did not care about you. I also knew that Eugeo would've never been able to forgive himself if he had ended up hurting or killing you; it would've destroyed him once he woke up and realized what he'd done. And not just Eugeo, I couldn't bear to see you harmed either so I _had_ to be the one to fight him no matter how painful it was for me personally. Because it was the only way to protect the both of you."

Alice found herself stunned speechless by Kirito's answer, one she had never expected to hear. The lengths this young man was willing to go to protect the people he loved, even those who turned against him, and regardless of the cost to himself, was nothing short of astounding.

Not knowing what else to say, Alice apologized. "I'm sorry, Kirito…" she began quietly. "It's because of me that you had to fight Eugeo. The way you talk about him would make anyone believe that you were as close as twin brothers, not just best friends."

Kirito shook his head. "No, it wasn't your fault, Alice. It was Quinella's manipulative, lying tongue that turned Eugeo against us. But thankfully, he was able to come to his senses in time."

"Because of you. Even after Eugeo had turned against you, you still believed in him."

"I did. And I always will. In fact, if it wasn't for Eugeo, I would've never been able to defeat the Pontifex; my strength and power alone were simply not enough. That's why you've never heard me complain about losing my right arm. Because the price Eugeo paid for our victory was much, much higher."

Alice frowned, thinking again how unbelievable it was that a sadistic tyrant like Quinella had successfully managed to masquerade as a benevolent leader who claimed to love all her subjects, for centuries when what she really wanted was absolute control over them. And regardless of the cost. Especially since she was willing to sacrifice as many of her subjects as it took to stay in power as well as keeping the Integrity Knights small in number and preventing the people from building an army that might rebel against her. ***6***

Even though Alice knew it was pointless now, she could not help but feel her disdain towards the late Pontifex spike. Not only had Quinella stolen her precious memories to force her fealty and obedience along with the other Integrity Knights, she also had no qualms about using Alice herself as a pawn to pit two young men who had been as close as brothers against each other. And though Kirito had never admitted it until now, he didn't have to, of course, Alice knew that fighting Eugeo was possibly the hardest thing he had ever done. And he did it without holding back since Eugeo would have surely turned his sword on her next if Kirito himself were to fall.

"I understand, Kirito. Your friend seems to have been a very good man; I only wish I got the chance to know him better…again, at least."

"You did know Eugeo, Alice. You used to know him very well, even if you cannot remember."

"Then tell me…"

Kirito smiled. "Do you really want me to?"

"Yes… if he really had meant as much to me as he did to you, then I'd like to remember Eugeo."

"Alright, Alice. If that's how you really feel, then I'll tell you everything I can remember about him. How about I start from the day we met you and became friends?"

"I'd like that."

Kirito leaned back on the sofa as he tried to recall his earliest memory with Eugeo and Alice from the time he made his first dive into the Underworld as a test subject for the STL. Once he had a good idea of where he wanted to start, the raven-haired youth began their story like a fairy tale from a children's book.

"Once upon a time, there were two boys and a girl born in Rulid on the same day…"

**Footnotes:**

**1\. In the U.S, bathing together is considered quite intimate and usually done by couples only. But in Japan and some parts of Europe, it is considered perfectly normal for people of the same sex to bathe together in public spas and bathhouses, especially if they are friends or relatives as well as couples.**

**2\. To parallel Kirito's "marriage' to Asuna in the world of Aincrad, I've made Alice his second "wife" in the Underworld as a cover since people may question why they are living together if they weren't married.**

**3\. In canon, it is a running gag that Kirito is often abused at first by the same girls who end up falling for him. This includes Asuna, Sinon, and Alice.**

**4\. Ambidextrous means being able to use both hands equally well. While some people are born with this ability, it is also a skill that can be learned with practice. In my fic, both Kirito and Eugeo were born with one dominant hand but learned to be ambidextrous.**

**5\. It is not clear in canon which was Eugeo's actual dominant hand at birth. But in my fic, he is left-handed and Kirito always holds Eugeo's sword in his left hand and keep it at his left side to symbolize this.**

**6\. In addition to not allowing the people to build an army, I've assumed that Quinella also kept the Integrity Knights small in number so that they would not rebel against her. Especially since the synthesis ritual does not erase their memories completely. **


	5. To Protect You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. This fic takes place after the first half of the Alicization arc so I suggest you not read any further if you have not seen the anime past episode 24 or read the LNs past volume 14 if you want to avoid spoilers. This story is also slightly AU-ish with differences from the original; please refer to the footnotes at the end. That said, enjoy and please review!**

**To Protect You**

Kirito took a deep breath before putting as much strength as he could muster into his frail arms to maneuver his wheelchair off the main Rulid forest road and onto a hidden path that would eventually lead him into the clearing of the Gigas Cedar. Or more accurately, what was left of it. It was still early morning, about the time Alice left the house to run her errands and Kirito knew she wouldn't be back to take him out until past noon after they've had lunch. Not like he ate much nowadays; Kirito's appetite was almost non-existent ever since coming to Rulid. Even after waking up from his vegetable state, he ate only enough to stay alive, functional, and somewhat healthy.

Until now, Kirito, had never gone outside unaccompanied by his caretaker. Today would be the first time because there was something he felt he needed to do that would require total solitude. And so, Kirito waited until Alice left for the village before sneaking out of the house by himself to come to this hidden forest road where he was certain he would be alone, especially with the trees providing cover. In addition to the his and Eugeo's swords at his side, Kirito also had a tall walking stick given to him by Garitta that had been carved from the wood of the Gigas Cedar. True to its name, the monster tree had been so sturdy that were it not for Eugeo and his use of the Blue Rose sword, it would have taken at least another nine-hundred years and eighteen more generations of carvers to cut it down.

But now that the Gigas Cedar had been fallen and some of it taken apart by Garitta using tools he created from Eugeo's dragonbone axe, anything made or carved from its wood was also unbelievably durable. This included the new walking stick Kirito now had in his possession. When he had given it to him, Garitta assured Kirito that he could put as much of his weight onto the stick as he needed without fear of it breaking or cracking. And that's exactly Kirito intended on doing right now: to see if he can slowly force his legs to support and move his body again.

_All right, let's see how I do with this…_ Kirito thought as he took his walking stick and plunged it into the ground in front of him. He knew that before he can even think of walking, he had to be able to stand first. And since falling into his current physical state, Kirito never realized how something that used to be so simple to most able-bodied people could now be so challenging for him. He knew it was possible for him to stand and walk because he was not actually paralyzed; the muscles in his legs and hips were merely weakened as a result of his battle with Quinella in addition to whatever happened to his body in the real world.

As he slowly forced himself to stand, Kirito stumbled for a moment but refused to give up. Back home, it was routine for Alice, often with Selka's help, to perform leg exercises on Kirito every day as he laid in bed or on the sofa to prevent the muscles from atrophying. ***1*** And unlike himself until recently, both sisters had faith and hope that he would be able to walk again one day. The thought of Alice and Selka's painstaking efforts to help him was enough to motivate Kirito to keep trying since he did not want all their hard work to be for nothing.

After five whole minutes and nearly falling back into his wheelchair twice, Kirito finally managed what took normal people only about a second or so to do: stand up. With the walking stick's aid, he was able to remain in a standing position and took a moment to wipe the sweat off his brow with his sleeve, something he was certain Alice would reprimand him for if she saw it. To appease his caretaker, Kirito made it a habit to keep a handkerchief on him at all times. But he was often too lazy to take it out of his pocket to use when needed unless he was in Alice's presence.

Trying not to think about Alice's not so-positive reaction should she see him wipe his sweaty brow with his sleeve instead of a handkerchief, Kirito took the next step. Literally. Though it had been many years since he learned how to stand and walk properly for the first time as a toddler and had no memory of it, Kirito could not help but wonder if he struggled with both back then as he was now.

Using his new walking stick as a crutch, Kirito slowly placed one foot in front of the other and tried to move away from his wheelchair. Although he had long since left his lone wolf days behind him after escaping the virtual world of Aincrad with Asuna years ago, it was times like this that Kirito truly preferred to be alone. He was not even twenty years old yet he moved almost like a frail human of ninety as he attempted to walk again for the first time in almost four months. And no matter how difficult it was, Kirito was determined to do it since him being able to at least walk on his own would be one less burden to Alice. But since this was his first attempt, Kirito also knew he had to try not to push his body too hard if he didn't want to make himself worse. The fact that he was able to even stand on his first try without falling was already a miracle in and of itself.

As he kept his breathing slow and even, Kirito slowly took a few steps while trying his best to keep his balance as well as a tight grip on his walking stick because he knew that if he did fall, it would be monstrously difficult to get up again. Especially since there was no one out here to help him.

Unfortunately, when he heard the sound of a twig snapping behind him, Kirito realized that falling was the least of his worries.

"Who are you and what do you want from me?" he asked coldly without turning around.

"Now is that any way to talk to an old friend, Kirito?" a young, but gruff male voice answered.

Looking over his shoulder, Kirito saw a young man who appeared to be in his late teens or early twenties with light brown hair and hazel eyes. Although he had not seen him since he left Rulid with Eugeo almost three years ago, Kirito still recognize the smug look Zink gave him when he bluntly (and rudely) expressed his doubts about him being able to even lift a sword.

"We are _not_ friends, Zink…" Kirito sneered. "Get lost."

"Get lost?" Zink laughed. "Now that sure sounds funny coming from some stranger who shows up in these parts from out of nowhere not once, but twice!"

"And so what if I am?" Kirito challenged. "This is a public road, isn't it? There's nothing that says law-abiding people can't use it, even if they're foreigners."

"Law-abiding?" Zink mocked as he slowly approached Kirito like a predator stalking its prey. "Wow, you really don't get out much nowadays, do you, Kirito? Did you think Rulid so backwards that we didn't hear news of a guy who's wanted for murdering a noble as well as the Pontifex herself?"

Before Kirito could respond, Zink swiftly kicked his walking stick away, causing him to cry out as he collapsed to the ground.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Kirito demanded, even as he found himself lying on his stomach and sprawled across the grassy road. Kirito barely had enough time to rise to his knees when Zink bent over and grabbed him by the throat in a painful, crushing grip.

"I thought you looked familiar when that blonde girl claiming to be the village chief's long-lost daughter showed up in Rulid passing you off as her disabled husband. But you two aren't really married, are you? Who is that girl, really? And why have you come to the village together?"

Kirito glared at Zink as he tried unsuccessfully to pry the older boy's fingers away from his throat. Had he possessed even a fraction of the strength he did before, Kirito could have easily subdued this arrogant bastard with his bare hands, no sword needed. But now, he was struggling to breathe and speak with Zink's tight grip on his throat, a grip he could not even budge, let alone break.

"That's none of your fucking business!" Kirito hissed through clenched teeth.

"Maybe not. I'm not really interested in who that girl is or your relationship to her. What I can use, however, is some of that reward money."

"What reward money?"

"Wow, you really _are_ a dimwit, aren't you? It's not everyday someone violates the Taboo Index by committing a murder and breaking out of prison to escape justice. I don't know how you managed it, Kirito; you must have the devil's own luck. That's why no one in Rulid has turned you in so far. Because you don't exactly match the church's description of a phenomenal rogue swordsman and no one in the village has even bothered to remember you. But I did. I could never forget those freakish slanted eyes of yours or that cursed sword style you taught to Eugeo so that he could beat me for the right to compete in the Zakkaria Swordfighting Tournament first." ***2***

_So that's what this is about…_ Kirito thought. Zink wasn't interested in the reward money for his head as much as he wanted revenge for his humiliating defeat in that sword duel with Eugeo, whom he had always deemed inferior and looked down upon, in front of the entire village. A defeat that would not have been possible if Kirito himself had not instructed Eugeo on the Aincrad style of sword fighting.

"Seriously, Zink. I thought you would've gotten over that by now. Turning me in to the church now won't change anything; it was your own damn fault for underestimating Eugeo and always looking down on him."

Zink gave Kirito a hateful glare for his barb, one they both knew was right on the mark, and tightened his grip on the younger boy's throat, causing him to choke.

"You're right. Turning you in won't change anything but it would sure as hell make me feel better while fattening my purse too. To tell the truth, I've been wanting to get my revenge on Eugeo for a long time but since that little bastard is dead, you'll have to do!" ***3***

Just as Kirito felt himself about to pass out from lack of oxygen, he suddenly heard Zink cry out as though someone was tearing him away, forcing him to release his hold on Kirito's throat. As he coughed and struggled to get air back into his lungs, Kirito heard the sound of a body, possibly Zink's, being slammed hard against a nearby tree.

"What the…?" Zink sputtered as he looked around in bewilderment but could see no one else in the area but Kirito.

_"Does it make you feel good attacking someone who cannot defend himself, Zink? If so, you're even worse than I remember…" _

At the sound of the mysterious voice but with the speaker nowhere in sight, Zink went deathly pale from fright as he struggled to free himself from an assailant he could not see. His efforts were futile, however. For whatever was pinning him against the tree was monstrously strong.

"Wh…who's there?!" he demanded.

_"Someone who will not allow you to harm Kirito. I will tell you only once: never come near him again or you'll have me to deal with…"_

_What's going on?_ Kirito thought as tried to make out what was happening. It sounded like Zink was talking to someone but Kirito could not be sure because his vision was still blurry from being choked and deprived of oxygen just moments earlier. He also couldn't hear anyone but Zink himself and thought the older boy must be hallucinating and talking to someone who wasn't there.

The next thing Kirito knew, he heard the sound of a body sliding to the ground and scuffling of feet as though someone was fleeing in terror and by the time his vision cleared, it was all over and he found himself alone on the forest road again.

Under normal circumstances, Kirito would have wanted to know what just happened. However, he realized that he had a bigger problem at hand since he was sprawled on the ground with no way to get back up now that his walking stick had been kicked several yards away.

"Oh crap…" Kirito muttered. Though his situation looked grim, he did not wish to remain where he was and hope that someone would find him. With great effort, Kirito managed to prop himself on his elbows with the intent of crawling to his walking stick while thankful that no one was around to witness the degrading position he was in.

Unfortunately, even crawling was difficult for Kirito now that Zink's assault had weakened him further; the most he could manage to move was a few inches before he ran out of energy and collapsed again.

_It looks like I've hit rock bottom… _Kirito thought sadly as he rested his head on the ground and closed his eyes, fighting back tears. _How far I've fallen from where I used to be. Now my only hope is for someone to find me before I die out here and my corpse becomes food for the animals…_

No sooner did he finish the thought, Kirito felt himself being slowly turned over and gently lifted off the ground, as if into somebody's arms.

Someone he couldn't see.

Kirito gasped and was about to demand to know who was picking him up when he thought he heard a gentle voice inside his mind like the time he tried to cut himself with the fruit knife he was using to peel apples.

_"Don't worry, Kirito, I'm here for you. I will always be here to protect you when you need me. Now sleep…"_

Frightened, the boy was about to protest when he felt his eyelids growing heavy before he finally fell into a deep sleep…

**SSSSSS**

"Selka, are you sure he's here?" Alice asked worriedly as she followed her younger sister into the clearing of the Gigas Cedar.

"Yes, that's where the note said he would be", Selka answered. "Somebody knocked on the village church's door hard and left this note out front."

"Who was it?"

"I have no idea. When I answered the door, I only saw this note pinned to the front of it. But there was no one there."

Alice was about to remark on how strange that was when she heard her younger sister gasp.

"Look, there he is, Alice!"

Looking towards the direction Selka was pointing, Alice's eyes widened when she saw Kirito lying on the stump of the Gigas Cedar. His wheelchair and the two swords he kept with him as well as his new walking stick were also nearby.

"Oh my god, how did he get here? Is he all right?" Alice demanded to no one in particular as she approached the giant tree stump to take a closer look at Kirito, who appeared to be fast asleep but with some bruising around his neck and throat as if someone had tried to strangle him not too long ago.

"This isn't good…", Selka said grimly after checking Kirito's pulse as well as to see if he was still breathing. Which, he thankfully was. "Even though Kirito's life doesn't seem to be in any danger, he's clearly been assaulted just recently. We need to get him back to the house and put him to bed before we can treat those bruises."

"You're right", Alice agreed. "Help me get him back into his wheelchair and we'll talk when we get home."

"Of course."

** SSSSSS **

"All right, who do you think did this?" Alice asked Selka quietly as she watched her sister used a Sacred Art spell to heal the bruises around Kirito's neck and throat while she herself changed him into some new clothes to replace the ones that got dirty when he fell to the ground earlier. As soon as they took Kirito back home, the Zuberg sisters put him to bed to clean and search his body for other possible injuries. Asides from the ones around his neck, Kirito also had some other minor bruises from his fall but nothing serious.

"I'm not sure… but I can guess", Selka answered in a low voice and she tried to avoid meeting her older sister's eyes. "Not long before the note appeared on the front door of the church, I've heard some of the villagers say they saw Zink running from the forest looking as though he'd seen a ghost…"

Alice raised a brow. "Who's Zink? And why would he want to attack Kirito, if he did?"

"It's… a long story…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Selka. If you know of anyone who may want to harm Kirito, you need to tell me" Alice insisted.

Selka took a deep breath before beginning. "I think I may be the only one other than Zink who remembers Kirito when he showed up in this village three years ago. I don't know how they managed it, but Kirito was the one who helped Eugeo finally cut down the Gigas Cedar, thus freeing Eugeo from his old calling and giving him the right to choose another."

"He chose to be a swordsman."

"Yes… and Kirito was his instructor. He taught Eugeo an unusual but potent sword fighting style that enabled him to defeat Zink when the latter challenged him for the right to be the first person from this village to compete in the Zakkaria Swordfighting Tournament."

"And for that petty reason, Zink tried to kill Kirito? Are you serious, Selka?" Alice asked incredulously.

Selka shook her head. "It wasn't a petty reason to him, Alice. Zink has always looked down on Eugeo and couldn't stand the possibility in being surpassed in swordsmanship by him. He challenged Eugeo to a duel in front of the whole village to prove he was better but because of Kirito's tutelage, Eugeo defeated Zink easily. I can only imagine how utterly humiliating it was for him because he's held a grudge against the both of them ever since."

"Still, this is unacceptable", Alice insisted. "We need to report this to father and the village authorities."

Selka shook her head fiercely at her sister's suggestion. "No, Alice. I strongly advise against that."

"Why?"

"Zink's father is the village captain of the guard. If we make such an accusation against him, people are going to want to know what motive he would have to attack Kirito. If we reported Zink's assault to father and the village authorities, we risk exposing Kirito's true identity and putting him in even more danger since he is still wanted by the Axiom Church for violating the Taboo Index and has a reward being offered for his head."

"So, what are we going to do?" Alice asked. "If what you say is true, what's to stop this Zink from going after Kirito again? Asides from his grudge, he also has that reward money as a motive."

"I don't think its likely Zink will go after Kirito again…"

"And why is that?"

"Well, when Zink returned to the village, he looked scared out of his wits. I think that someone saved Kirito from him in the forest and whoever it was must have terrified Zink. I also think that he or she may be the same person who left that note on the church door as well."

"That _is_ strange…" Alice admitted. "I suppose we should be grateful. One thing I am sure of is that we cannot let Kirito go off on his own like that again. I wish he had not left the house alone without telling me."

"I agree. But I think I understand why Kirito wanted to be alone."

"Why?"

"Well, judging from the fact that he took his new walking stick with him, I believe that Kirito wanted to see if he can force himself to stand and walk again" Selka answered.

"I see. I understand he doesn't want to be a burden to us but still…"

Before Alice could say anything else, both she and Selka heard a soft groan as the young man they were caring for slowly woke up.

"Ugh…" Kirito groaned as he slowly opened his eyes and found himself lying in his bed with Alice and Selka bending over to look at him. Out of the corner of his eye, Kirito also saw his wheelchair, swords, and walking stick in the corner of his room. "What happened?", he asked groggily. "How did I get here?"

"That's what we'd like to know. Selka and I brought you home when we found you lying on the stump of the Gigas Cedar not too long after someone left a note on the church door saying you'd be there."

"What?"

"Kirito, you were attacked by someone in the forest. That's the conclusion I came to when I saw the bruises around your neck", Selka answered. "It was Zink, wasn't it?"

Kirito stared at her and asked "How could you know that, Selka?"

"There were people who saw him running out of the forest from the direction of the road leading to the clearing of the Gigas Cedar where we found you."

"Did they see anyone else? The last thing I remember was being picked up by someone before I passed out."

"That's the strange thing", Alice began. "Zink was the only person anyone saw leave the forest. But that does not matter, Kirito. What _does_ matter is that you're safe. And to keep it that way, you must promise me that you will not leave the house alone again, especially without telling me."

"But…"

"No buts!" Alice replied fiercely. "I know you want to walk again. And I know you want to be as independent as possible. But there is no shame in keeping yourself out of unnecessary danger or accepting the help of others when you truly need it. You know Selka and I are more than willing to help you with anything you need and that includes trying to use your legs again. So, please don't go off on your own like that again; you may not be lucky enough to have someone save you next time."

Kirito sighed in slight frustration but he knew Alice and Selka were right. Were it not for the mysterious good Samaritan who came to his rescue earlier that day, he might have ended up either dead if Zink lost his temper and decided to strangle him to death, or back at the Central Cathedral prison awaiting execution for the murder of Raios Antinous as well as the Pontifex herself. And this time, he wouldn't have Eugeo to help him break out nor the strength and means to escape alone.

"You're right, Alice", Kirito apologized. "I'm sorry I put you and Selka through all that trouble. I promise I won't leave the house alone again."

"Good", Alice replied in relief. "More importantly, how do you feel now, Kirito?"

"My neck hurts a bit but I'll live", he answered jokingly, his tone causing Selka to frown slightly.

"Kirito, what just happened to you is no laughing matter", she said sternly, making her sound more mature than her fifteen years. "I know Zink has harbored a grudge against you and Eugeo for some time. But I never thought he hated you to the point that he would do what he did today. For your own sake, its best that you do not leave the house unaccompanied by either Alice or myself. Nor should you be seen by the villagers too often because we have no idea if there's anyone else who might realize who you really are and try to turn you over to the church for that reward money."

"And what about Zink?"

"I don't think he will go after you again. Whoever saved you must have terrified him so much that he left you undisturbed in the clearing of the Gigas Cedar until we found you. But like Alice said, you may not be so lucky a second time if someone else tries to apprehend you."

"You're right, Selka. I _was _very lucky today. I wish I at least knew who saved me so I can thank him. Or her. By the way, do you have that note you said was pinned to the church door? Maybe that can give me a clue."

"Well, the note was very brief. All it said was that a young raven-haired man had been attacked in the forest but he was safe now and resting in the clearing of the Gigas Cedar. There was no name signed on it or anything like that. But if you insist…"

"Please, Selka. Just to sate my curiosity if nothing else."

"Very well", Selka replied as she reached into the pocket of her nun's habit, pulled out a small piece of paper, and handed it to Kirito.

After receiving the note, Kirito looked it over and was slightly disappointed to discover that it said exactly what Selka described. He thought the handwriting looked familiar but couldn't quite put a finger on who it might belong to.

"I see…" Kirito said. "Thank you. I assume you and Alice knew it was me because whoever wrote this note described my hair color."

"Right", Alice confirmed. "And that's one of the things that has me concerned. Your black hair and grey eyes make you stand out among the locals. I'm also sure the Axiom Church included them in their description of you. And don't take this the wrong way, Kirito, I know the reason no one in the village has turned you in is because you're currently not the 'dangerous rogue swordsman' the church has described even though you have the right hair and eye color." ***4***

"It's all right, I'm not offended, Alice" Kirito assured. "That's also what Zink said. The reason he knew who I really was is because of his grudge against me and Eugeo which motivated him to remember my exact appearance as well. Even if I'm not in peak physical condition anymore."

"Even so, we must use caution, Kirito. There's no guarantee that others might not figure it out even if they don't hold any personal grudges against you. That's why I think it's best that you don't interact with the villagers too often. As of now, they don't really remember you and we should keep it that way."

"I understand. And I agree. There's no need to worry since I don't really interact with anyone nowadays other than you, Selka, and old man Garitta. He does remember me but we can trust him."

"Right", Selka agreed before turning to her elder sister. "I think we should let Kirito rest now. He's had a very rough day."

"I know", Alice replied before turning back to Kirito. "Selka and I will leave you alone now. If there's anything you need, just let us now."

"Thanks, Alice. I will. By the way, Selka, do you mind if I keep this note?"

"No, not at all", she replied. "Keep it. I'll be back later to help Alice make dinner. I hope you'll be well enough to join us then."

"I think I will be. Thank you again, Selka."

The young nun smiled as she gently took her elder sister by the arm and gave it a gentle tug. Taking the hint, Alice followed Selka as she opened the door to Kirito's room and stepped outside, leaving the boy to his thoughts.

**SSSSSS**

Dinner and his usual bath went by quietly for Kirito, even after stressful events of the day for him and the Zuberg sisters. To avoid worrying them any further, Kirito did his best to pretend his assault by Zink never happened and insisted that they should all forget about it. Though deep down, he was actually shaken to be easily bested by a common guardsman who was at best, a rank-amateur swordsman in comparison to himself. The incident made Kirito realize that he may end up endangering Alice and Selka if others decided to go after him for the reward money offered for his head by the Axiom Church. And he knew the only way to minimize that risk was for him to stay out of the public eye as much as possible. ***5***

After getting dressed for bed with Selka's help, Kirito decided it best to turn in early but still took a few moments to look over the note she gave him earlier, the note that was the only clue as to the identity of his mysterious savior from earlier that day. The brief message in and of itself did not pique Kirito's interest as much as the handwriting style in which it was written. Like the first time he looked at it, Kirito found the handwriting slightly familiar yet foreign at the same time and felt as though he might know the person to whom it belonged but wasn't sure.

However, unknown to Kirito, the person who came to his rescue as well as the writer of that very note was present and watching him as of this very moment with his ever-searching green eyes. Invisible to the eyes of his best friend, Eugeo held his spiritual breath as he watched Kirito look over the note the he wrote and pinned on the door of the village church to guide Alice and Selka to the clearing of the Gigas Cedar where he had left him after scaring his assailant away. For a moment, Eugeo worried that Kirito might recognize his handwriting, which he had taken great pains to disguise, but was relieved to see the older boy finally give up and put the note in the drawer of his night table. Eugeo knew that if Kirito could not recognize his disguised handwriting, no one could because it was Kirito himself who taught him how to read and write proficiently enough to be accepted into the Centoria Swordcraft Academy. Before meeting his best friend, the blond youth had been nearly illiterate, something that was not unusual for a humble woodcutter who had little need for being able to read and write other than to sign his name and read the Stacia Window. ***6***

After putting the note away, Kirito finally turned out the light and laid down on his bed. Despite already sleeping for most of the day, he was still able to fall asleep quickly and easily and it wasn't hard for Eugeo to guess why. Even though Zink's assault on him was not enough to leave any permanent physical damage, the psychological damage was another story since it dealt a heavy blow to his already weakened confidence.

"And that's why you believe he needs you, isn't it, Eugeo?" a gentle female voice asked from out of the blue, startling the blond youth from his thoughts.

Turning, Eugeo saw Cardinal approach until she was standing beside him.

"You've read my mind", he said. "I was thinking of you as well as Kirito, actually."

"I know you were. In addition to being able to go anywhere with a thought as well as hear our loved ones among the living when they think or speak of us, we can also sense when we are needed by others on the spiritual plane as well", the child-like woman replied good-naturedly.

"I guess that makes things a bit easier for me, then. I do need your help, Cardinal. I'm sure you know what happened to Kirito today."

"Yes, I do. And I must say you were quite harsh to do what you did to protect Kirito from that boy who was hurting him. When we use our minds to connect with the physical world, the results can be more powerful or intense than our mortal bodies could achieve in life. In short, you could have killed Kirito's assailant with the strength you put behind your attack since your anger towards him amplified it."

"I will do anything to protect Kirito. You know that, Cardinal", Eugeo replied quietly.

"Of course I do. You've already proven it when you gave your life for him and Alice at the Central Cathedral, Eugeo."

"But this time, I am bound by time constraints" the blond said in frustration as he clenched his fists. "I know that every physical action I take shortens the time I am permitted on the human plane. Today, I sensed that Kirito was in danger when I heard him and Zink talk about me. But I could not intervene to help Kirito until he was actually attacked and barely had enough time to save him, leave him in the clearing of the Gigas Cedar, scratch out that note from the pen and paper I managed to pull out of Zink's pocket, and pin it on the church door to ensure that Alice and Selka can find him before I was forced to leave."

"So, what are you getting at, Eugeo?", Cardinal asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"I need a way to ensure that I can stay on the human plane for as long as I need, an anchor of sorts."

"What did you have in mind?" she pressed, also knowing the answer to that inquiry as well.

Eugeo took a deep breath and answered. "I'd like you to bind my spirit to the Blue Rose sword so it can serve as my anchor to the human plane. Since Kirito always has it in his possession, it will ensure that I can always come to him when he needs me and without time restrictions. Can you do that, Cardinal?"

She smiled at him before her expression became serious. "Yes, I can. But it won't be like the time I fused your physical body to the Blue Rose sword."

"How so?"

"Because the only way it can be undone that I know of is if you returned to your original existence as a part of Kirito's fluctlight, especially if the sword is destroyed somehow. Should that happen, there is a possibility that you may lose your self-awareness and be completely absorbed back into him. You could be bound to either your sword or Kirito himself for all eternity. But you may never be free again as you are now. Are you sure you want to risk it, Eugeo?"

Eugeo was silent for a moment as he thought over Cardinal's warning. He knew that it wouldn't be long before Kirito was called into battle again and that there will be people depending on him. But until Kirito recovered from his current state and even after that, someone must protect him and ensure his survival by whatever means necessary. And while Eugeo would have loved nothing more than to stay with his beloved Alice forever, he also knew that he couldn't just abandon his best friend whom he knew also paid a heavy price for their victory against the Pontifex of the Axiom Church. While Eugeo himself was no long susceptible to physical pain, suffering, or illness upon departing his mortal body, Kirito was virtually a prisoner in his own and had a price on his head large enough to tempt nearly the entire the Human Empire into hunting him down like an animal if they knew his true condition.

And all for doing what they both knew was right.

Knowing this steeled Eugeo's resolve and he clenched his fists. "Yes", he said. "Its something that must be done. And not just for Kirito's sake, but for the sake of our world as well."

Cardinal's expression softened and for a moment, she seemed to glow with pride. "Somehow, I'd knew you say that, Eugeo. You often thought of yourself as weak when you were alive. But that was never the case. It takes a lot of strength and courage to make the choices you have and are making now. Your destiny is not just to protect Kirito but also to fight alongside him because he won't be able to save our world with his strength and power alone. Even he knows this."

"Then you'll do it? Bind my spirit to the Blue Rose sword?"

"Yes. Now that Kirito is asleep, I want you to take your sword and place it on top of his body. Fold his hands over it and I will begin the ritual."

"Yes, Cardinal", Eugeo obeyed as he used the power of his mind and made the physical move to take his sword from Kirito's left side and place it on top of him before folding the sleeping boy's hands over it.

"Now place your own hands on top of the sword and I will do the same."

"Right."

Once both of their hands were on top of the Blue Rose sword, Eugeo watched as Cardinal closed her eyes and focused, her spirit as well as his own glowing with a soft blue light for a few brief moments before they returned to normal.

"All right, the binding is complete. Just give it a little time to go into effect since its a bit more permanent than the first one I performed for you" she said simply, prompting Eugeo to raise a brow.

"You mean, that's it?"

"Yes. As spirits, we no longer need to speak commands or spells out loud to perform them. Doing so in our minds is enough, just like making contact with the physical world. You should know this."

"Yes, I do. I used a Sacred Art spell to put Kirito to sleep after I saved him just by thinking it."

"Right. I'm sure that you've also discovered that we can speak directly into the minds of the living if we focused our thoughts enough."

"I have."

"Good. Now the last thing to do before we must depart is put your sword back at Kirito's left side. He might be confused or frightened if he wakes up and finds it on top of him" Cardinal said with a touch of humor.

Laughing softly, Eugeo obeyed again and placed his sword back where it belonged as he expressed his gratitude to the child-like woman for her help.

"Thank you, Cardinal. For doing this for me. And for Kirito."

"There's no need to thank me. You've made the right choice. I'm proud of both of you and I always will be. I must go now; performing the binding you requested has cut the time I am permitted here."

"I understand. I think I have a little time left. I'd like to stay with Kirito a little longer."

"Of course, Eugeo. Good night."

And with that, Cardinal finally vanished. Know that he would soon have to follow suit since it might take a few hours before the binding she performed goes into effect, Eugeo sat down on Kirito's bed and gently placed his hand on the older boy's cheek after brushing his dark bangs aside.

"Kirito, I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner today or you wouldn't have gotten hurt" the blond apologized sadly. "But that will soon change. I know you will do this anyway but I feel I must say it all the same: keep the Blue Rose sword with you always. This way, I can protect you without fail and fight alongside you as well when the time comes. Until then…"

Eugeo wanted to say more but upon seeing Kirito as well as the room around him slowly start to fade, he knew it had to make it quick. Bending over, the blond gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Be well, my friend, my brother, my hero…"

**Footnotes:**

**1\. Atrophy means gradually decline in effectiveness or vigor due to underuse or neglect. In reference to body tissue and organs, it means to waste away. In my fic, Kirito does not want to lose the use of his legs permanently so he tries to force himself to walk to prevent his muscles from atrophying. Alice and Selka also help him with this by moving his legs everyday. **

**2\. In the LNs and manga, there was an additional scene where Eugeo and Zink/Jink engaged in a duel after Eugeo chose his new calling to be a swordsman. I used this scene as a basis for Zink's grudge and attack on Kirito as well as portraying him a bit more malicious than he is in canon. **

**3\. In the LNs, Zink is described to be a bit of a bully to Eugeo and was always playing mean pranks on him.**

**4\. In the LNs, Kirito's hair and eye color is described as being extremely rare for the part of the Human Empire where he was residing and traveling. Eugeo's hair and eye color in comparison, were considered very common since the people and culture of the Underworld are depicted as being closer to Western than Eastern. Kirito's eyes are also described as being as black as his hair in the LNs but the anime depicts them as being closer to a dark, steel-grey.**

**5\. In my fic, Kirito is wanted by the Axiom Church for violating the Taboo Index and being the first to escape from the Central Cathedral prison. He was also probably the first person in the Underworld to commit a murder even though he did not kill Quinella or Raios Antinous directly.**

**6\. Since he was a peasant woodcutter from a country village, I assume Eugeo was close to being illiterate but I am not certain because I've never actually read the LNs, only heard people talk about them on Tumblr and other SAO fan sites. **


	6. Part of Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online. I write this for your enjoyment only. On a note, this is a canon-based AU with differences from the original. Please refer to the footnotes at the end. It also contains mild spoilers for the Alicization arc so I suggest you not read if you haven't finished watching past episode 24 of the anime or read past volume 14 of the LNs.**

**Part of Me**

"You're doing good, Kirito, keep going!" Alice encouraged gently while keeping her arms firmly hooked around Kirito's as he attempted to walk after forcing himself, with great effort, to stand up from his wheelchair.

To ensure his privacy, Alice and Selka had taken Kirito to the closed off clearing of the Gigas Cedar around dusk when the Rulid villagers have retired to their homes for the evening. It was also to ensure that he would feel more comfortable without the awkwardness of random strangers watching (and judging) him.

Kirito stopped for a brief moment to catch his breath as a bead of sweat formed on his forehead. Remembering that he was in Alice's presence, Kirito resisted the urge to wipe his brow with his sleeve. Which would have been difficult anyway with his arms hooked around hers so that he wouldn't fall to the ground.

Fortunately, Selka saved Kirito the trouble when she noticed his sweaty brow and approached him before taking a handkerchief from her habit and wiped it for him.

"Here, let me get that for you" she said kindly.

Kirito breathed a sigh of relief before managing a smile in gratitude. "Thank you, Selka", he said.

"You're welcome", she replied while trying her best not to embarrass Kirito by letting her eyes wander to his feet that seemed to be dragging behind him as he slowly and painstakingly placed one in front of the other to form a steady pace.

After being attacked by Zink the last time he came to the forest to practice walking alone, Kirito had promised Alice not to leave the house unaccompanied by either Selka or herself again. And as much as he hated being supervised everywhere he went like a child, Kirito had to agree now that he could no longer protect himself like he did when he was still able-bodied.

Fortunately, the young man had managed to make some progress, the first being able to at least stand on his own, albeit with a great deal of effort. But Kirito also knew that he still had a long way to go before he could walk normally again, even with the help of the Zuberg sisters. In addition to depending on Alice for his basic everyday needs, Kirito was now literally using her as a crutch and felt ill at ease with it.

Sensing her charge's discomfort, Alice tried her best to reassure him that she was perfectly fine with being his crutch by giving his arms a gentle squeeze.

"It's all right, Kirito. Take as much time as you need."

Panting, the young man closed his eyes and nodded before trying to take another step. Mustering as much strength as he could into his frail legs, Kirito managed to take two more steps before tripping over his own feet and stumbled in Alice's arms. It was only her firm hold that kept him from collapsing to the ground. ***1***

Selka bit her lip and had to resist the urge to cringe at watching Kirito struggle to do something that normal people took for granted, something that he himself took for granted before falling into his current physical state.

Looking at him now, anyone who didn't know Kirito would find it hard to believe that he was the same swordsman who defeated the strongest among the Integrity Knights as well as the late Pontifex herself, the same swordsman who was once capable of practically dancing circles around all but his most powerful and formidable opponents. Although she tried not to show it to avoid discouraging Kirito, Selka secretly worried about him and his chances for recovery.

And unknown to the young nun, there was another witness who was of the same mind as herself.

Though he knew he could not be seen or heard by the trio in the Gigas Cedar's clearing, Eugeo peaked out from behind a tree where he had hidden himself out of instinct as if he still had a flesh and blood body that could be detected. Unknown to his friends, the blond youth had been following them all morning until they came to this clearing to see if Kirito could still make use of his legs yet.

And contrary to what Kirito himself had believed, Eugeo found nothing amusing or laughable about his situation. In fact, he was just as worried as the Zuberg sisters and could not help but wonder if Kirito would recover and be capable of fighting when he was called upon to do battle again.

And it wasn't a matter of "if", but "when".

Not wanting Kirito to despair over his current lack of mobility, Eugeo closed his eyes and projected his best words of encouragement into the older boy's mind. ***2***

"_Don't give up, Kirito! You can do it! Keep trying!" _

Kirito gasped, indicating that he had indeed heard them even though he did not see his caretaker's lips move.

"Did you say something, Alice?" he asked in bewilderment.

"No, I didn't. Why, did you hear something?"

"I thought I heard someone telling me to 'keep trying'. But I don't see anyone else here besides you and Selka."

"That is strange", Alice admitted before turning to her younger sister. "Did you say anything, Selka?"

"No, I didn't. Are you sure you're not just hearing things, Kirito?"

Kirito sighed and shook his head. "Maybe… maybe I am. I don't know. Still, for some strange reason, I find it comforting."

"Well, you _have _been under a lot of stress lately, Kirito", Alice said. "If you're not up for walking now, we can try again tomorrow."

Remembering the words of his unseen supporter, the raven-haired youth shook his head fiercely.

"No, I want to keep trying for a bit longer. If that's ok with you, Alice", he insisted.

"Of course," she said before turning to her sister. "Is that all right with you, Selka? Or do you have something else you need to do?"

"No, it's all right, I don't mind. Today is my day of rest anyway. I can stay for as long as both of you need me."

"I'm glad to hear that, Selka", Alice said in relief before turning to Kirito again. "Shall we keep going then?"

"Yes, please."

"All right, then. Now just follow my lead…"

Eugeo smiled, satisfied that his simple words had succeeded in giving hope to his struggling friend so that he would keep trying to walk for a bit longer. Now that his work was done for the time being, the blond turned and vanished into the air.

**SSSSSS**

The Land of Eternal Night…

Is what Eugeo came to think of the spiritual realm where he was sent after departing his mortal body, the plane where his Alice patiently awaited his return every time he left for the human plane to watch over Kirito. ***3***

As Eugeo walked over the blue roses that covered the ground while taking note of the starry night sky above him, he saw the figure of a young blonde maiden clad in a white gown, standing in the distance with her back turned to him and watching the beautiful silvery lake that was also a part of this divine realm.

"So, you've returned, Eugeo…how is Kirito and everyone?" she asked out of the blue without turning around.

"They are all well for the time being" he answered. "What about you?"

Alice turned to Eugeo and smiled. "I am always well" she answered. "I'm just more concerned about _you._ You always look like you're worried about your friend."

Eugeo sighed. "How can I _not _worry about Kirito knowing the state he's in? It's only my bond to the Blue Rose sword that enables me to keep watch over him without restrictions. And I feel like I'll be doing more than just that in the future."

"So, you've made your decision? Are you sure it's what you want?"

Although Alice did not elaborate further, Eugeo knew exactly what she meant. He had already gambled once with his life and lost. And now he was taking an even greater risk by allowing himself to be bound to his sword for a second time, that of his very soul. For despite being a powerful Sacred Weapon and Divine Object, the Blue Rose sword was not indestructible. And should it be destroyed despite Kirito's best efforts to guard it, Eugeo himself would cease to exist.

But it was a risk he had to take and they both knew it. Because Eugeo could not, in good conscience, condemn an entire world and its people to annihilation for the sake of his own happiness.

Even if that world and its people had not always been good to him during his lifetime.

"It's not a matter of what I _want_ anymore, Alice. It's what I _must_ do" Eugeo said simply as he took her hands in his own. "Our world is in danger and Kirito alone cannot save it."

"True…" Alice agreed. "However, you should be past caring about such things by now."

"I know, Alice. I know that I have no reason to care what happens to the world anymore. But I still have loved ones who live in it. And if Kirito had the courage and conviction to fight for the sake of a world that isn't even his own, then what excuse do _I_ have?"

Alice pulled her hands back from Eugeo's before gently cupping his face in them.

"Eugeo…" she whispered. "You do not have to explain or justify your decision to me. I know. And I understand. Despite what it has put you through, you still love this world and wish to protect it."

"It's something I learned from Kirito. And you, Alice. How can I _not_ act when I know there are still those in need of my protection?"

"Of course. You must do what you know in your heart is right, Eugeo…"

"Yes… and I will."

"Good. You and Kirito are both righteous and honorable men. It's why Alice loved you both so much."

Eugeo was started at hearing his love speak of herself in the third person and her response finally prompted him to ask the question that had been on his mind for quite some time.

"Are you really Alice?"

Now that she was certain Eugeo was ready to know, the blonde maiden answered.

"I am the embodiment of Alice Zuberg's memories given form. A part of her, if you will. The part that you remember before she became an Integrity Knight." ***4***

"I see…"

"You don't seem surprised, Eugeo."

The blond shook his head. "No…it's something I've been suspecting for a while now. But it does not matter. I know what I must do, that I am still needed. And I cannot let Kirito or Alice bear the burden alone. Especially if it's still within my power to help them."

Leaning forward "Alice" gave Eugeo a gentle embrace. "I knew you'd say that, my love. And you have my full support. But wherever your journey takes you, know that you will always have a place here with me when you return."

"I know… and thank you, Alice. For understanding" Eugeo whispered, returning her embrace.

"You're welcome, Eugeo. Now go and carry my love with you always."

Eugeo smiled before giving his Alice a tender kiss. "I will. Good bye for now."

"Good bye, my love. Until we meet again…"

Eugeo nodded before turning and closed his eyes to envision himself back on the human plane.

**SSSSSS**

"How are you feeling now, Kirito?" Alice inquired as she handed a cup of hot tea to Kirito before taking a seat on the sofa across from his wheelchair. "Are your legs sore?"

"A little" he confessed before accepting the tea from his caretaker. "But I guess it's to be expected since I've barely used them in months."

"It's all right" Alice assured. "There is no need to rush, Kirito. It's not like you're going anywhere."

Upon hearing that, Kirito raised a brow and Alice immediately realized her poor choice of words.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that!" she apologized, blushing furiously.

Instead of getting angry, the boy laughed softly. "I know. I'm not upset or anything. It_ is_ the truth, after all."

"Still, I should have been more careful with how I word things, as you've said before. As an Integrity Knight, I've always tended to be direct; it was necessary to avoid any misunderstanding on the battlefield."

"Oh, I know that all too well. Clear communication can often mean the difference between life and death in battle whether its fighting alongside a single ally or relaying orders to an entire army."

"I see. I'm guessing your experience is mostly with the former?"

Kirito hesitated for a moment before answering. Technically, he had worked with multiple allies simultaneously in the past. But in this world, his teamwork was limited mostly to Eugeo before they were reunited with Alice.

But Kirito thought it best not to mention his other friends from the real world. As far as Alice knew, he was born and raised in Rulid alongside herself and Eugeo. She also knew that he and Eugeo fought exclusively alongside each other during their travels until they were brought to the Central Cathedral as prisoners.

"Yes", he answered. "Eugeo and I became so close that we didn't always need verbal communication to understand each other."

"Interesting…" Alice admitted, finding it impressive that Kirito and Eugeo had known each other's habits so well that it even carried onto the battlefield.

"Yeah… I don't mean to brag, but back at the Centoria Swordcraft Academy, our classmates and teachers often called us 'the dynamic duo' because we could perform our sword forms in perfect sync with each other as well as performing them both left and right-handed", Kirito said proudly while waving an arm in the air like he was wielding his trusted weapon once again, causing Alice to clap a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. For a brief moment, Alice thought she saw Kirito's eyes brighten once more when he spoke fondly of his late friend and didn't want to ruin it for him. ***5***

Especially since she was curious to know what kind of life the boys had led after they left Rulid nearly three years ago in search of her.

"That's quite impressive", Alice admitted. "The only other pair I've ever seen who can do weapon forms in perfect sync would be the prodigy twins, Linel and Fizel. But I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise since twins do share an exceptionally strong bond in mind and body. But you and Eugeo are not even related, are you?"

Kirito shook his head. "No. Not by blood, that is. But we may as well have been blood brothers. Some people have even mistaken us for twins."

"I can see why. You two look almost identical with the exception of your hair and eye colors; it's hard to believe you're not related. I'm sure both you and Eugeo must have had a lot of admirers."

"I won't lie in that we've piqued the interest of many" Kirito admitted before frowning slightly as a thought came to him. "Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Eugeo and I weren't looked favorably upon by everyone despite our talents. Our high-born classmates looked down their noses at us, at Eugeo for being a humble-born woodcutter, and me for being a foreigner without a memory."

"Like those noblemen you killed for trying to assault your pages, right?"

"Actually, it was me alone who killed Raios Antinous" Kirito confessed. "Even if it was unintentional. Eugeo chopped off Humbert's arm but the guy survived. Though I have no idea of what became of him after he ran away from us."

Now it was Alice's turn to frown. "Because I arrested and took the both of you away soon after", she finished quietly.

"Don't feel bad about it, Alice", Kirito insisted. "It was pure chance that you were the one who came for us and neither Eugeo nor I would have wanted it to be anyone else."

Alice sighed. "Still, now that I think about it, I wish our meeting could have been under different circumstances. And to be honest, I regret that I never got the chance to apologize to Eugeo for striking him; it's something I feel really bad about now…" she said quietly as her eyes started to wander and looked down at her own cup of tea to avoid his gaze.

Kirito secretly couldn't help thinking how cute Alice looked when she did that and laughed softly at her confession.

"It's all right, Alice. Knowing Eugeo, I'm sure he would have understood and forgiven you. Even when we were children, he could never stay angry with you for long. And neither could I."

"Oh, really?" she asked in amusement as a small smile curved her lips.

"Really. But I suppose the reason for that was because every time you _did_ annoy us, we'd always forget about it when you bribed us with delicious food."

"Oh? I can actually cook as a child? I find that a bit hard to believe considering that I struggle with it now."

"Well, it's not surprising that you would if you've been living as an Integrity Knight for the past six to seven years, Alice. After all, knights have no need to know how to cook", Kirito said good-naturedly while neglecting to mention that it was actually Alice's mother who made all the food she brought to him and Eugeo for lunch every day and that Alice herself had only assisted her.

"True", Alice agreed. "But now that I've returned to civilian life, I figure I should learn how to cook again. And the more you tell me about my past, the more I want to remember it for myself as well as all the people from my childhood that I once held dear, including Eugeo. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot."

"It's all right, Alice. I believe that your memory will return someday so don't try to force yourself; there's no need to rush."

"I know, but…"

"Yes?"

Looking into Kirito's eyes, Alice blushed and made a rather intimate confession of her own. It was only fair since he had been so open and honest with her.

"I've never told anyone this, not even uncle, but…"

"But?"

"The truth is that even when I was in the service of the Pontifex, I've always felt as though a part of me was missing. Sometimes I wondered if the other knights felt the same but I couldn't bring myself to ask any of them. Because questioning our pasts, our duties, and the Pontifex herself, was something Integrity Knights simply_ didn't_ do."

"Oh, I don't doubt it" Kirito assured. "We both know that the synthesis ritual doesn't result in a completely clean slate when it comes to wiping any of the knights' memories, including yours. And of course, Eugeo's as well. It didn't matter whether any of you underwent the ritual willingly or had it forced upon you."

"Do you think the Pontifex herself ever realized that?"

"She might have. But as long as you were obedient and didn't question her, Quinella's goal was achieved all the same."

"True. However, now that I think about it, I believe that the late Pontifex was aware of the possibility that the Integrity Knights' loyalty to her could falter due to their doubts so she constantly searched for ways to perfect the synthesis ritual until it could completely wipe away our memories."

"My thoughts exactly, Alice", Kirito agreed. "And if she had enough time, I'm sure Quinella would have succeeded too. We should be thankful that we were able to put an end to her rule before that can happen."

"We? _You _were the one who took down Quinella, Kirito. Even if it _was_ with Eugeo's help."

Kirito shook his head and lowered his tea cup. "No, it wasn't just me and Eugeo. If it weren't for _you_, I would've never regained my resolve to fight after I saw what Quinella did to him."

Alice frowned. "I only wished I could have been more useful", she said sadly. "I couldn't bring myself to speak to Eugeo when we were all reunited again. Because I simply didn't know what to say to him after everything that had happened."

Kirito smiled. Although he did not say so, he was happy that his caretaker was starting to open up to him a bit more.

"You didn't have to say anything, Alice", he insisted. "As long as you were safe, alive, and well, that was all Eugeo cared about and could have asked for."

"Even after what I put him through? What I put both of you through?"

"Yes… he loved you that much. In fact, if it weren't for his desire to see you again, I'm sure Eugeo would have never left Rulid with me and simply accepted his fate as a woodcutter."

"But at least he would be alive…", Alice said sadly as she wiped a tear that was forming at the corner of her eyes with a finger. "If it weren't for me…"

Before Alice could say another word, Kirito reached over and placed a finger on her lips.

"Hush, none of that now, Alice. I knew Eugeo better than anyone. And I can say for certain that no matter what happened, he had no regrets as long as he saw you again and knew you were safe."

Alice gently grasped Kirito by the wrist before pressing his hand against her cheek. "Yes… I suppose he didn't. Still, I wish there was something I could have done for Eugeo in return since he came such a long way to find and save me."

"If there _is_ anything Eugeo would want from you in return that I can think of, it would be to remember him. But he wouldn't want you to force yourself any more than I do. Just let the memories return to you as they will, Alice."

"Yes… I suppose you're right; there is no need to rush. I'm sorry for keeping you up with my meaningless chatter. Would you like me to help you to bed now, Kirito?"

"No, it's all right. I'm not sleepy yet. If you'd like, I can tell you more about my journey with Eugeo after we left Rulid and came to Centoria."

Alice's eyes brightened at the offer. Like Kirito, she was not yet tired enough to sleep and preferred to stay up a bit longer to listen to whatever tales the young man before her had to tell.

"Yes, I would like that very much, Kirito."

Now that he had his caretaker's approval, Kirito set his teacup on the table and leaned slightly back on his wheelchair. He couldn't help noticing the irony of how he used to listen to Eugeo talk about Alice for hours on end during the two years they traveled the land and studied in Centoria together and now he was telling Alice stories about Eugeo in the hopes that she would be able to remember him someday.

"Well, let me think. Where shall I start? Oh, yes, how about the day Eugeo and I left Rulid after he finally succeeded in cutting down the Giga's Cedar?"

Alice chuckled and leaned back from her own seat on the sofa.

"Yes, that would be a good place to start."

"Right. Here goes nothing!"

From the enthusiastic manner in which Kirito spoke, Alice was certain that he must have some very interesting tales to tell.

And there were few things that Alice Zuberg loved more than a good story.

Especially those that were true.

**SSSSSS**

"How are you feeling today, Kirito? Will you be up to try walking again?" Selka asked the young man in question as she placed a plate topped with fresh-baked bread, eggs, and smoked ham before him on the table.

"I feel better" Kirito answered as he made a gesture for Selka to sit down while they waited for Alice to join them for breakfast. Knowing that she was an inferior cook, Alice left the cooking to her younger sister while she focused mostly on cutting meat, fruit, and vegetables. Right now, the elder Zuberg was squeezing some oranges in the kitchen for fresh orange juice.

After taking a brief glance over her shoulder to Alice, whose back was turned to them as she stood in the kitchen slowly filling a glass pitcher with orange juice, Selka lowered her voice and finally asked Kirito the question that had been on her mind all morning.

"Um, Kirito? Would you mind if I asked you something personal? You don't have to answer if you don't want but it would mean a lot to me if you did."

Kirito was startled at Selka's sudden question that was also accompanied by an expression of concern on her face and made him wonder what could possibly be bothering the younger girl.

"Yes, what is it?", he asked curiously.

"Shh… not so loud. I prefer my sister not hear this…"

"All right", he replied in a quieter voice. "Is there something on your mind, Selka?"

"Well, yes…" she began. "Is it true that you've been trying to jog Alice's memories of her past?"

"It is. Why? You yourself said you wanted Alice to remember her life in Rulid before she was taken away to Centoria all those years ago."

"I do… but what concerns me is that you've been focusing on trying to get her to remember Eugeo more than anything. While we were making breakfast this morning, Alice has been asking me what I remember of her past friendship with him since she still has difficulty recalling herself."

"Is that a problem?" Kirito asked, his brow furrowing in concern at Selka's inquiry. "What are you getting at?"

"Kirito, I know you want Alice to remember Eugeo since it was for her sake that he left the village and became a swordsman in the first place. But would it do any good for her to remember him now that he's gone? I mean, if Alice were to remember Eugeo and what he once meant to her, it would surely break her heart. Look what it's done to you…"

Kirito found his breath hitching in his throat when he realized that Selka _did _have a point. Eugeo himself had said upon his death that he wanted nothing more than for Alice to be happy. And if it had been Asuna in her place, Kirito would have also preferred that she forget about him and be happy, rather than remember and grieve all her life for their lost love.

"I see… I'm sorry, I never thought of that to be honest", he confessed. "I just didn't want Alice to forget Eugeo considering that he gave his life for her. And for me as well."

Selka smiled and reached for Kirito's hand from her seat across the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't apologize, Kirito. I know you mean well. And I'm not saying that Alice should forget Eugeo either. I only ask that you use caution when you speak of him to her. My sister has already been through so much…"

"Yes, you're right. I completely understand and I don't want to make Alice suffer any more than she already has. I'll be careful from now on."

Selka quietly released the breath she had be holding in relief that Kirito was not offended by her suggestion.

"Thank you, Kirito. That's all I ask…"

Kirito was about to say "You're welcome", when he and Selka suddenly heard the object of their concern speak up from behind them as she left the kitchen and approached the breakfast table with a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Hey, what are you two talking about?" Alice asked curiously before pouring each of them a glass of the sweet nectar.

"Oh, nothing much!" Kirito answered, trying to make the lie sound as smooth and truthful as possible, lying being something he wasn't exactly used to and disliked greatly. But Kirito knew he had to for Alice's sake. "I was just telling Selka how lovely it is today and that I would like to try walking again."

Alice smiled, delighted that her charge had no intention of giving up trying to regain the use of his legs, despite how much he was struggling to take even a few steps the day before.

"I'm happy to hear that, Kirito" she said before turning to her younger sister. "Would you be all right with accompanying us again, Selka?"

"Yes, I would love to. But since I have to return to my duties as well as Sacred Arts lessons, I'm afraid I won't be able to join you until later this afternoon. Will you two be all right without me until then?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure we can manage just fine for a few hours", Kirito assured. "I feel safe with Alice around."

Kirito didn't know why, but he meant it with all his heart. Especially now that he had come to accept that there was no shame in accepting the help of others to do things his current physical state did not allow him to do alone. But only when it was truly necessary. For the young man did not wish to be more of a burden to anyone than he had to be.

"All right…", Selka replied as she finished her last bite and stood up. "I must get back to the church now. You know Sister Azariya would never let me hear the end of it if I'm late."

"Haha… well you better get going then, Selka" Alice said with a wink. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of Kirito until you're free to join us."

Selka nodded as she stood up and gave Kirito and Alice a polite bow.

"I know you will, Alice. Good luck to the both of you."

"And you as well, little sister. Bye for now."

"Bye."

**SSSSSS**

"All right, are you ready, Kirito?" Alice asked gently as she stepped in front of his wheelchair when they arrived at the Gigas Cedar's clearing to pick up where they had left off the day before.

Kirito nodded before holding out his arms to Alice. "Yes", he answered.

Taking the young man's arms in her own once again, Alice waited until they were hooked securely around hers before giving them a gentle tug to let Kirito know that she was ready to start when he was.

Closing his eyes, Kirito took a deep breath and slowly forced himself to stand once more. To his slight disappointment, it was not much easier than it was the day before or the first time he attempted it, but he was determined to succeed all the same.

"It's all right, Kirito", Alice said gently. "Don't push yourself too hard. Take as much time as you need, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Alice. I appreciate it. Just give me a moment…", Kirito replied as he tried to find his balance. As strange as it seemed, he still felt a bit shy about looking his caretaker in the face when they were this close. Since the day he was born, Kirito had been fiercely independent in nearly all aspects of his life. And now, it was almost the complete opposite and he hated it.

Alice seemed to have read his thoughts for she gave Kirito's arms a reassuring squeeze as if telling him that it was all right and that he had no reason to feel ashamed for his physical limitations or for the fact that he was dependent on her for even his most basic needs.

Taking the hint, Kirito managed a small smile before slowly placing one foot in front of the other. As if on que, Alice took a step back and paused until she was sure he was ready to move again.

They continued like this for a few more steps until Kirito lost his footing, stumbled, and nearly fell over backwards when he suddenly felt someone catching and holding him up until he regained his balance.

Kirito gasped at his rescuer's strong and firm hold. Knowing that it could not have been Alice since he had been grabbed from behind, Kirito turned his head and looked over his shoulder, thinking that Selka had arrived and caught him before he fell.

But when he finally managed to get a good look behind him, Kirito found that there was no one in sight.

"What happened?" he asked.

Alice found herself puzzled at his sudden question. "What do you mean? I thought that you had managed to regain your footing though I was still prepared to catch you if you hadn't."

The boy sighed and shook his head. "I'm not sure if I imagined it, but I felt like someone had caught me from behind before I actually fell."

"But there's no one here except us. Selka will not be able to join us for a few more hours."

Not wanting his caretaker to think he was going crazy or hallucinating, Kirito nodded and said "You're right, Alice. Let's continue, please."

"Of course. Like I said earlier, there's no need to rush."

"I understand."

Taking another deep breath as well as a moment to rest, Kirito resumed what now felt like a herculean task. ***6*** Trying his best to ignore the beads of sweat forming on his forehead, he tried taking another step while holding onto Alice.

And another.

And another.

After taking a few more steps, Kirito felt his knees buckle but resisted the urge to let his legs give way beneath him.

_"Don't give up, Kirito! I know you can do it!"_

The boy gasped when he heard that familiar voice again within his mind.

"Who's there?", Kirito demanded.

Alice was puzzled at her charge's sudden outburst and her brow furrowed in concern.

"Kirito? What's wrong?"

"I thought I heard someone…" he insisted. "In fact, I could have sworn I did! Didn't you?"

Alice shook her head. "Kirito, there's no one out here but us", she replied slowly. "Are you sure you're not just imagining this? Like I've said before, you _have _been under a lot of stress, after all."

Kirito sighed. "Maybe you're right, Alice. Even so, I want to keep trying for just a little longer…"

Seeing the sweat that was now dripping down Kirito's temples accompanied by ragged breathing with the strain he was placing on his body, Alice started to worry and was about to insist that they stop and continue tomorrow. But after seeing the determined look on the young man's face, she decided to give in and indulge him just a little longer.

"Alright, Kirito. Just a few more steps and we're going to call it a day", Alice replied with a finality in her tone that told him he was done when she decided he was done.

Grateful that his caretaker was going to grant him this small indulgence despite seeing him struggle, Kirito nodded in obedience and took another step…

**SSSSSS**

"How are you feeling now, Kirito?" Alice asked gently as she slowly rotated his right leg in a bicycle motion while he laid on the sofa in his pajamas. Selka had already gone home for the night after helping Kirito to bathe and offered to help Alice work on his legs to relieve the soreness and aches he had accumulated from his walking exercises earlier that day. But knowing that her sister had to be up early the next morning for her church duties as well as Sacred Arts lessons, Alice insisted that she could take care of Kirito by herself for the rest of the evening.

"I'm a bit sore but fine. In fact, I welcome it because it means I'm starting to regain more feeling and strength in my legs. And that gives me hope."

Alice sighed quietly in relief, grateful that her charge was starting to think more positively, which would surely increase his chances of recovery. She remembered hearing Bercouli often saying that thoughts and feelings could have great impact on one's physical body as well as their mental well-being.

And Alice currently worried more for Kirito's mental well-being far more than his physical one. Compared to his heart and spirit, the young man's body was the least of their worries.

"I'm glad to hear that. We'll keep trying every day until you can walk on your own. Once you can, we'll see about getting you back into sword-fighting as well- with a wooden sword to start with."

Kirito's rising excitement almost died when his caretaker empathized the "wooden sword" part. For while Alice allowed him to take his and Eugeo's swords everywhere, including to bed, he was slightly disappointed that she did not yet trust him enough to lift the spell that kept them securely locked in their sheaths.

Sensing Kirito's thoughts, Alice gave his calf a gentle, but reassuring squeeze. "It's not that I don't trust you, Kirito. It's just that I don't want to see you accidently hurt yourself if you're not strong enough to wield a real sword correctly. Just give it a bit of time. Once you can handle a wooden sword with ease, I will move you onto a real one, yours to be exact."

Relieved and feeling hopeful at Alice's promise, he returned her smile. Normally, Kirito hated being treated like a child. But for some reason, he found it sweet and endearing when it was Alice doing it.

"Ok… whatever you say, Alice. I trust you."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

**SSSSSS**

Later that night after Alice had left him and retired to her own room, Kirito stayed up for a bit longer as he gazed up at the ceiling while lying in bed. Even though his legs were still a bit sore, Kirito felt much better with Alice's tender care. Just a few months ago, he never imagined that a woman who was honed to do little else but battle in the name of the Pontifex, could be so gentle and nurturing as she had been with him.

And though he could not quite walk completely on his own yet, the young man had felt more hopeful of the possibility now than he had in months. Kirito even felt hopeful that he would someday be able to wield a sword again. However, what he would do once he was back to normal was another matter. Even if it were possible, Kirito couldn't simply go home now that he knew that the Human Empire could be invaded by armies from the Dark Territory in the near future. There were times he wished that he never came to know of it and successfully brought Eugeo and Alice back to the real world with him.

But Kirito also knew that such thinking was also quite selfish. As dear as his childhood friends were to him, he couldn't just take Eugeo and Alice home while leaving the rest of the Underworld's people to their fate.

"Nothing ever turns out as we plan, doesn't it, Eugeo?" Kirito asked softly, as if the younger boy was right there, lying next to him like when when they shared a pile of hay back at the old barn in Zakkaria where they had worked for a brief time.

Though he missed his dear friend terribly, a part of him also envied Eugeo for being spared from seeing the war that they both knew was to come.

_What would you do if you were here?_ Kirito pondered while resting a hand on the Blue Rose sword at his left side. Knowing his friend, he figured that Eugeo would insist on staying in the Underworld and protect its people instead of escaping to save himself. And Alice would also likely do the same.

Not surprisingly, Kirito was greeted by silence and after a few more moments, finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.

No sooner did the raven-haired youth entered the world of dreams, a draft entered his room from the slightly opened window and his guardian angel was by his side once again.

Although he had heard every one of Kirito's words as well as his thoughts, Eugeo resisted the urge to answer him. Especially since he knew he already startled Kirito enough over the last two days, not only by speaking into his mind, but also by catching him when he stumbled and nearly fell while attempting to walk.

Looking the older boy over, Eugeo was relieved to see that Kirito had put on some weight even though he was still thinner than he was before falling into his vegetable state. Like Alice and Selka, Eugeo had hopes for his friend's recovery and was determined to do everything he could to protect and guide him.

Coming closer, Eugeo finally sat down at Kirito's bedside and reached for his hand, gently grasping and stroking it while taking care not to wake him. As Eugeo expected, Kirito's hand was slightly bony, indicating that he was still quite underweight, and couldn't help but worry if Kirito would be able to pick up a sword and fight when he was finally called upon to do so.

_He has to…_ _So many people's lives will depend on it… _Eugeo thought before realizing how selfish his thinking was for once again overlooking the fact that his best friend, despite his extraordinary abilities, was still a human being who was just as vulnerable like any other.

_I'm sorry, Kirito.. how can I keep forgetting that you're only human after everything you've been through, everything _I've_ put you through?_ Eugeo silently apologized sadly while letting his eyes roam the older boy's frail figure. Even now, the expression on Kirito's face as he slept was still not entirely peaceful, as if his feelings of guilt and regret haunted him even in sleep.

Looking at Kirito now made Eugeo wonder how he could have ever allowed himself to be fooled into thinking that his best friend had betrayed him by trying to steal the girl he loved; only before his death did Eugeo realize that no one had tried harder to bring him and Alice together than Kirito himself.

And if only he had listened to his friend and not let his hatred for the late Pontifex get the better of him, they could have defeated her together without either of them having to die and leaving the other to suffer in the aftermath. They might have even found a way to restore Alice's childhood memories without sacrificing her memories and identity as an Integrity Knight. It wasn't impossible considering that Eugeo and Kirito had been successful at nearly everything they attempted together in the past.

_How I wish I can go back and change things. But since its not possible, I will do everything in my power to protect you, _he vowed.

_And for as long as it takes._

_As long as it takes… _

**Footnotes:**

**1\. As an anime-only viewer, I was quite impressed with how Alice was able to lift and carry Kirito almost as easily as if he were made of feathers so I figured that she can easily act as a physical crutch for him if needed as well.**

**2\. In some cultures, it is believed that the dead can hear the thoughts and words of their loved ones among the living and even communicate with them in their minds.**

**3\. There is actually no name for the heavenly realm that Eugeo is often depicted in fan and official art when he died. But since it always looks like its nighttime, I called it "The Land of Eternal Night" for my AU.**

**4\. For my fic, the girl who appeared to Eugeo when he died was the embodiment of Alice's memories given form and that the girl who remained with Kirito was the real Alice.**

**5\. In the first two openings of the Alicization anime as well as the mobile game Alicization Blading, Kirito and Eugeo are seen swinging their swords in perfect sync so I assume that they are able to do this regularly and easily due to their constant training together.**

**6\. The term, "herculean", means something that requires great strength or effort. In Kirito's case, it is standing and walking due to his current physical state.**


End file.
